TimeHikes

*were at a house party and you just asked me something but I cant hear you* HAHA YEAH DEFINITELY

[TimeHikes @HikesTime]

Her: I like dogs

Me: when I was a kid my pants size was "husky"

[TimeHikes @HikesTime]

@superloafcat His elevator pitch about himself was literally "I'm horrible"

[TimeHikes @HikesTime]

My parents Banana Split on account of my all of my pa's Rum Raisin, now I'm just a Banana Foster child headed down a Rocky Road

[TimeHikes @HikesTime]

my parents Banana Split because my father couldnt stop the Rum Raisin so now I'm just a Banana Foster child headed down a Rocky Road

[TimeHikes @HikesTime]

God I'm just so nostalgic for the 2000s I love hearing the Taliban in the news again really takes me back

[TimeHikes @HikesTime]

you guys see that new car color that's everywhere

[TimeHikes @HikesTime]

FRIENDS but it's just 6 geese slurping pond scum

[TimeHikes @HikesTime]

alright I just stood in the shower for like 20 mins with the water on my belly, now I'm ready to party

[TimeHikes @HikesTime]

I ate too many almonds and my stomach hurts and I was just trying to do a nice thing for everyone what the hell

[TimeHikes @HikesTime]

watching Malice at the Palace and this cracked me up
#NBATwitter

[TimeHikes @HikesTime]

@ESPNNBA "Westbrook, to the bench. McClung *narrows eyes* take out Blake's knees"

[TimeHikes @HikesTime]

it's like the hit show Cheers, but grosser

[TimeHikes @HikesTime]

If you pretend the sound of thousands of cicadas SHREEEEEEing is a live studio audience applauding you every time you step out your front door, everything starts to seem pretty cool and less like a nightmarish hellscape

[TimeHikes @HikesTime]

pro tip: when your s/o offers you whats left on their dinner plate say no ty, that youre watching your figure, and after they compliment you go and secretly scarf down their scraps over the trash like a hob goblin

[TimeHikes @HikesTime]

@no_goblins NO DONT

[TimeHikes @HikesTime]

just your daily remind that tuna fish is cat food

[TimeHikes @HikesTime]

@FlyKuntz I was at a LI party once and someone was like "brb" and then came back and was like "ok sorry I had to go shit on Lindsay Lohans parents lawn"

[TimeHikes @HikesTime]

hey @warriors
Splash Bros + kum bucket = SQUIRT BROs? 💦

[TimeHikes @HikesTime]

@RTNBA @DimeUPROXX King Koopa?

[TimeHikes @HikesTime]

replaced all my light bulbs with LED bulbs, well see whos laughing when I'm ROLLING in that sweet $9/month I just saved myself 😏