Phil Holman

Please return to your seats and fasten your safety belts. We are about to begin our final descent into Washington, DC.

[Phil Holman @HolmanReport]

Newscasters announced that authors at the annual Gaithersburg MD Book Fair would "discuss their books before a live audience." Good choice!

[Phil Holman @HolmanReport]

SEXAME STREET: Good morning, children. Today's word is "RABBIT."

[Phil Holman @HolmanReport]

Tea Party PACs put little cash into races, spend lavishly on salaries, Washington Post reports. Kind of fits well with the GOP philosophy.

[Phil Holman @HolmanReport]

SEXAME STREET: Children, today's word is "VAGINA." Who can use it in a sentence?

Little Sally: "Yes, Vagina, there is a Santa Claus."

[Phil Holman @HolmanReport]

Ask your doctor if you're well enough to play solitaire.

[Phil Holman @HolmanReport]

FUTURE NEWS: Sexame Street debuts, bringing early childhood sex education to public broadcasting. Children, today's word is "PENIS."

[Phil Holman @HolmanReport]

More evidence gun violence is being curbed? 20 stabbed in Pennsylvania school today; 5 people stabbed in Toronto office building today.

[Phil Holman @HolmanReport]

NEWS FROM THE FUTURE: All remaining cars in the US are recalled. Horse prices skyrocket.

[Phil Holman @HolmanReport]

Is #Microsoft creating a national security threat to US computers & ATMs by abandoning Windows XP? Should the Federal Government step in?

[Phil Holman @HolmanReport]

Scientists find water, an essential building block of life, inside a moon of Saturn. Next flyby will check for bourbon.

[Phil Holman @HolmanReport]

GOP sickened by thought of 7,000,000 Americans getting health care. May require, uh, health care.

[Phil Holman @HolmanReport]

Washington State says pot's OK, but Joint Base Lewis-McChord officials say it's still illegal for military. Despite the name of the base.

[Phil Holman @HolmanReport]

Email offer received from The Capitol Deal: "$29 -- Bottomless Mimosa Brunch for 2, Reg. $60." Alternative to the Topless Mimosa Brunch?

[Phil Holman @HolmanReport]

Russia bars Boehner. Obama vows to continue search for country that will accept him.

[Phil Holman @HolmanReport]

Republicans say Obamacare will ruin US. Slam Administration for flawed start and slow implementation of program. Hmm.

[Phil Holman @HolmanReport]

"Have courts and Congress let intelligence agencies run amok?" media ask. The CIA/DIA 10K Amok Run will be held in DC April 1.

[Phil Holman @HolmanReport]

PUTIN'S PLANS? The Kremlin Book Club is currently reading "War and Peace." Russia's next move may depend on where they are in the book.

[Phil Holman @HolmanReport]

Hit with a $1.2 billion fine for their runaway cars, Toyota officials say they'd have solved the problem sooner if they'd been able to stop.

[Phil Holman @HolmanReport]

Queen Elizabeth declines Obama's offer to return US to British rule. Cites Tea Party's unwillingness to tax and huge US debt owed to China.

[Phil Holman @HolmanReport]

Obama says Crimea referendum would be illegal. Also, finds that US must return to being part of British Empire.