Holy Meekrob

Poop. Pronouns: Live/Laugh/Love

[Holy Meekrob @HolyMeekrob]

I don't use the phrase,"It's the least I can do." I want there to always be an understanding that I could do less.

[Holy Meekrob @HolyMeekrob]

"I like penises more than butts because they feel better for me."

Full conversation:

Kid: Do you like penises or butts more?

Me: Butts because it's a seat that I can take everywhere.

Kid: Yeah, but you can lie down on your penis.

Me: You can lie down on your butt.

After considering that, he uttered the above quote.

[Holy Meekrob @HolyMeekrob]

Mom's way of preparing raisin toast at breakfast is to butter it. Dad's way adds cinnamon sugar from a spice jar.

Thus the kids request raisin toast with "daddy sprinkles."

If I'm ever locked up, it's going to be because an adult overhears them talking about daddy sprinkles.

[Holy Meekrob @HolyMeekrob]

This is now a thread of out of context kid quotes.

"Daddy this time explode on me."
"Next time explode on both of us."

We were playing a game where they covered me in blankets and then I "exploded" the blankets off of me on to them.

[Holy Meekrob @HolyMeekrob]

Watching the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles show from the 80s hits different now that every time Shredder talks all I hear is Uncle Phil.

[Holy Meekrob @HolyMeekrob]

@teej_dv Enrico Pallazzo

Honorable mention: Carl Lewis

[Holy Meekrob @HolyMeekrob]

@FoxNews Huey having a day.

[Holy Meekrob @HolyMeekrob]

We had to sit way back in General Admission so that my presence wouldn't distract her.

If you've listened to her latest album, you know what I mean. She has regrets.

[Holy Meekrob @HolyMeekrob]

The other night I went out with my lady friend and I referred to our waiter as "Goy Ben Shapiro" because he had the exact same mannerisms. It was uncanny.

[Holy Meekrob @HolyMeekrob]

What was the occasion, you ask? Oh nothing. We were just on our way to see Hilary Duff in concert, no big deal.

[Holy Meekrob @HolyMeekrob]

Happy 100th birthday to Mel Brooks! The man who taught me that just because you grow up, it doesn't mean your sense of humor has to.

[Holy Meekrob @HolyMeekrob]

My opinion from twenty-five years ago is confirmed upon rewatch. Shrek is mid.

[Holy Meekrob @HolyMeekrob]

Settle a bet. Do you know the lyrics to All Star by Smash Mouth?

[Holy Meekrob @HolyMeekrob]

Thinking about homeschooling my kids, training them for nothing but the spelling bee, getting on national TV, and dressing them in a shirt that say, "Speller with a hard r."

[Holy Meekrob @HolyMeekrob]

I gave that tip to my partner.

Her: You know you don't have to spend a lot of money to adopt, right?

Me: Sure, you can get one from the pound, but they don't have any papers.

[Holy Meekrob @HolyMeekrob]

Pro tip: Don't pay more for an adopted kid than you can spend to get one from a sex trafficking ring.

[Holy Meekrob @HolyMeekrob]

Pro-tip: If you cut off your tits between Mother's Day and Father's Day, you can make both holidays all about you.

https://t.co/4RyOj2Cjqe

[Holy Meekrob @HolyMeekrob]

I realized that not only must I ensure that the Star Wars twist never gets spoiled for my kids, but they will also have the chance to watch Terminator 2 without knowing who the villain is. Even I didn't get that opportunity. I will protect it from them at all costs.

[Holy Meekrob @HolyMeekrob]

Did anyone else know the voice of Lilo is the girl from the Ring? My mind is blown!

Also, she's dead now.

[Holy Meekrob @HolyMeekrob]

A month ago I had never seen any Lilo and Stitch, so I wouldn't have even noticed that there was a live action coming soon.

But now I've seen all of the movies and a chunk of the series, so I have strong opinions about the franchise.

[Holy Meekrob @HolyMeekrob]

Lilo is the best character, hands down. She drives the narrative. She is the source of the best jokes. And she has a distinct personality that goes against the type of other Disney heroines.

[Holy Meekrob @HolyMeekrob]

The mods took down my post for having the "wrong flair", which makes no sense since it had the correct flair and violated zero rules.

[Holy Meekrob @HolyMeekrob]

Of course the commies on Reddit have completely missed the point of this one. Then again, so have the anti-commies.

https://t.co/4FN9cpTvsS

[The Sloppy Life of Pixels @sloppycomics]

The Sloppy Life of Pixels #11 - Quadrillionaire

https://t.co/IBuCtp2q8P

#comic #webcomic