Every Book in a Sentence

I’m just a Literature Major ripping on the classics.

[Every Book in a Sentence @HopsonGunnar]

Anyone else wonder if Mommy was Kissing Santa Clause the same night Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer?

[Every Book in a Sentence @HopsonGunnar]

Picking up “A Little Life” like:

[Every Book in a Sentence @HopsonGunnar]

Don’t know why I even check my messages anymore; my phone is dryer than Charles Dickens’ writing style.

[Every Book in a Sentence @HopsonGunnar]

“East of Eden” by John Steinbeck- This book talks about California so much that it becomes the literary equivalent of an RHCP song.

[Every Book in a Sentence @HopsonGunnar]

Anyone else ever read a book so good that you want to tell everyone you know about it and then you get to the end and it’s so unsatisfying that you feel guilty recommending it to literally anyone?

[Every Book in a Sentence @HopsonGunnar]

“Jaws” by Peter Benchley- This book set off a domino effect that eventually led to Shark Tale getting made.

[Every Book in a Sentence @HopsonGunnar]

Insane when you think about how John Steinbeck is indirectly responsible for Tommy Wiseau making The Room.

[Every Book in a Sentence @HopsonGunnar]

Me reading the part of The Great Gatsby where Tom and Daisy split town and start a consequence free life in a new city after Gatsby literally gets killed over a crime Daisy committed:

[Every Book in a Sentence @HopsonGunnar]

Rude of book stores to have a Math section. This is literally where I go to escape things like algebra.

[Every Book in a Sentence @HopsonGunnar]

Forget about showing an iPhone to a Medieval peasant; if I time travel, I wanna scare the shit out of HP Lovecraft by playing Ocean Man.

[Every Book in a Sentence @HopsonGunnar]

Every Best Selling Thriller by James Patterson Probably- A badass ex-special agent with a name that sounds like an 8th grader’s spy OC comes out of retirement for one more mission in this series that has almost as many installments as it does ghost writers.

[Every Book in a Sentence @HopsonGunnar]

Every author studies course you take is just gonna make you realize that every writer really just had one story that they told over and over, changing only slightly so we wouldn’t notice.

[Every Book in a Sentence @HopsonGunnar]

Weird Literary Trope #2:
Falling asleep or getting knocked out and then waking up in the past. What was the deal with that?

[Every Book in a Sentence @HopsonGunnar]

I like how in mythology, every kindly elderly person has like a 90% chance of really being a god in disguise that dispenses vital information that helps someone get their shit together. The Gods gotta bring that shit back.

[Every Book in a Sentence @HopsonGunnar]

“Northanger Abbey” by Jane Austen- A book where the protagonist thinks she’s the heroine of an epic gothic novel.
Spoiler alert: she’s not.

[Every Book in a Sentence @HopsonGunnar]

I’m just like Heathcliff, except instead of ruining other people’s lives, I just ruin my own.

[Every Book in a Sentence @HopsonGunnar]

So, do you think Gatsby called people “Old sport” back when he was poor or do you think he just started saying it cause he thinks that’s how rich people talk?

[Every Book in a Sentence @HopsonGunnar]

Weird Literary Trope:
Obscure sequel to classic children’s book that no one talks about because shit goes absolutely off the rails. Also it’s bad.

[Every Book in a Sentence @HopsonGunnar]

I really need someone to publish a collection of all of those disturbing and surreal short stories they made us read in high school.

[Every Book in a Sentence @HopsonGunnar]

The three breeds of Horror Protagonist:
1.) The Lovecraft- has no personality; only exists to see scary shit and go insane.
2.) The Harker- actively walks straight into horrifying situations.
3.) The Poe- doesn’t realize that they are literally the villain.