Hoyanon

the plastic tips at the end of shoelaces are called aglets—their true purpose is sinister

[Hoyanon @Hoyaanon]

@TheOmniZaddy "Millennial Applebees" is both deeply true and not without it's upsides

[Hoyanon @Hoyaanon]

@TheOmniZaddy Cooked well done

[Sean Butler @Sean_Butler1]

TOMORROW

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

@Boilers32 It most definitely was not. I would never have forgotten my drugs.

[Joyce Carol Oates @JoyceCarolOates]

literature is still a vast territory that yields its best, most powerful & memorable results when it springs from raw, not-fully-assimilated or even entirely understood personal experience. don't censor your experiences or your reactions --just write, & write quickly. polishing sentences & fussing over paragraphing can wait.

[Jason Pargin, author of John Dies at the End, etc @JasonKPargin]

The greatest dread you can feel as an adult is when you've been ignoring a problem or situation for a long time with the unspoken assumption It's Probably Fine, then all at once you are forced to look at it closely and you are gobsmacked by the True State of It.

[Hoyanon @Hoyaanon]

Lines from a restaurant kitchen:

[Duncan Stott 🏗️🔰🇺🇦 @DuncanStott]

I'm trapped with my £5,000,000 pen - I can't sell it

[vo @vanillaopinions]

Samuel Alito said fuck your polls, fuck backstabbing Republican lawmakers, fuck wealthy donors, and fuck the mainstream media. He is not stepping aside. Let's go!

[Fashion Ruined My Life @frmlfr]

地獄に堕ちろ、知恵遅れの豚

[Federal Reserve @federalreserve]

Video message from Federal Reserve Chair Jerome H. Powell: https://t.co/5dfrkByGyX

[Armand Domalewski @ArmandDoma]

We did an evil thing—attack a country to steal its oil…for nothing

[dracula flow @draculafl0w]

Pussy boys tried to rob me so I tranquilized them and boiled them in duck broth till their bones floated to the surface. Then I added some andouille sausage, garlic powder, onion powder, red pepper flakes, black pepper, Tony seasoning, and enjoyed me some nice steamy opp gumbo

[Joe Weisenthal @TheStalwart]

It’s really confusing how they just hand off the @NYCMayor handle

[Matthew Zeitlin @MattZeitlin]

Anyone who plays wordle where you don’t keep all the correct letters in the subsequent guess is a coward and a fraud

[Cassie Pritchard @hecubian_devil]

At the end of the day if I could pick my kid’s traits, I’d put way more emphasis on high conscientiousness and low neuroticism.

[Natalie Wynn @ContraPoints]

my most right-wing opinion is I’m looking forward to Melania’a Christmas decorating

[Basil🧡 @LinkofSunshine]

Diet Coke and regular Coke are so funny. One version is basically completely harmless and the other is almost legalized poison

[SwiftOnSecurity @SwiftOnSecurity]

I like how full text search of every book and human thought ever was a SOLVED PROBLEM in 2001, and now dicks at search engines and my own phone – a piece of silicon faster to respond than God was ever imagined in scripture – prevent it from working, _as a design choice_.

[yoshimi battles video game addiction @nise_yoshimi]

The year is 2025. Everybody in the world, including the United States, is eagerly awaiting the collapse of the United States. Except, for a variety of reasons, the People's Republic of China

[Bri Gillis @Bgilly13]

I feel like we all give Newsome a lot of credit but Lucas has been on top tier shitposting game for awhile