Hubert The Motherfuckin Tortoise

Who fuckin knows anymore

[Hubert The Motherfuckin Tortoise @Hubert_tortoise]

Why is my worth to society based on my work. Why can't I just lay in bed and smoke and be sexy is that not enough?

[Hubert The Motherfuckin Tortoise @Hubert_tortoise]

@stator_ Sandy sandals wouldn't be what it is today without that women

[Hubert The Motherfuckin Tortoise @Hubert_tortoise]

R/forbiddenboops is really the best its just people posting animals that would maul you to death without hesitating and then 20 guys tryna convince each other why it would still be worth it to boop its big squishy nose

[Hubert The Motherfuckin Tortoise @Hubert_tortoise]

I don't have a reason to be sad and I don't think I am I just feel exceptionally not myself right now and idk why

[Hubert The Motherfuckin Tortoise @Hubert_tortoise]

Hate having aspergers and my brain constantly looking for stupid patterns that don't exist just to haunt me and make me feel shit then upset people for no good reason.

[Hubert The Motherfuckin Tortoise @Hubert_tortoise]

This is my literal daily existence atm

[Hubert The Motherfuckin Tortoise @Hubert_tortoise]

Honestly about time

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Average American Life Expectancy Falls One Year After 97,000-Square-Mile Anvil Drops On Wyoming https://t.co/y0cxIF7gWQ

[Hubert The Motherfuckin Tortoise @Hubert_tortoise]

Really need to stop convincing myself its ok to freestyle my meds

[Hubert The Motherfuckin Tortoise @Hubert_tortoise]

@opheliaxwilson Is this cuz I played sunbather in the car?

[The Onion @TheOnion]

OSHA Announces Revamped Forklift Certification Will Feature Halfpipe Portion https://t.co/fWjGmvRGT3

[Hubert The Motherfuckin Tortoise @Hubert_tortoise]

@opheliaxwilson This was traumatic I can't believe you would joke about it

[Hubert The Motherfuckin Tortoise @Hubert_tortoise]

My colleague said they were cold today at work today and I tried to tell him "its because your ageing" but what came out was "its because your Asian" the colleague in question is Malaysian, I have a meeting with H.R on Monday.

[Hubert The Motherfuckin Tortoise @Hubert_tortoise]

@stator_ Look like you belong on to catch a predator

[Hubert The Motherfuckin Tortoise @Hubert_tortoise]

@smistro66 @JColeNC @PUMA @footlocker @DreamerOnlyFans you cant update tweets?

[Hubert The Motherfuckin Tortoise @Hubert_tortoise]

Politicin with the pushers and the pimps.

[Hubert The Motherfuckin Tortoise @Hubert_tortoise]

i think im going insane just had a starring contest with my self in the window reflection until i won.

[Hubert The Motherfuckin Tortoise @Hubert_tortoise]

@honey when you gonna start adding coupons for rightmove?

[Hubert The Motherfuckin Tortoise @Hubert_tortoise]

@opheliaxwilson Is the writing slope not up to par??

[Hubert The Motherfuckin Tortoise @Hubert_tortoise]

How to I tell my sister that when ever she starts singing it sounds like a family of squirrels being thrown into a wood chipper without hurting her feelings??