Johnny Derp

Roses are red, Come with me in my bed.

[Johnny Derp @HumourDiet]

Did you know? you can skydive without a parachute but only once.

[Johnny Derp @HumourDiet]

If my tweets and status updates ofend you i just wana let u know that:
1) i am sorry
2) it wont hapen again
3) 1 &2 are lies
4) you're pussy

[Johnny Derp @HumourDiet]

2 + 2 = ?
Me: *Opens the calculator just in case*

[Johnny Derp @HumourDiet]

L= lake of misery
O= ocean of tears
V= valley of death
E= end of life

[Johnny Derp @HumourDiet]

Can I take your picture? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters...

[Johnny Derp @HumourDiet]

i don't always have time to study but when i do, I DON'T.

[Stumbler Videos @StumblerVideos]

you ever heard a song so good that u just

[Johnny Derp @HumourDiet]

Humanity is losing its geniuses.Aristotle died, Newton passed away, Einstein Died and i am not feeling well today.

[Johnny Derp @HumourDiet]

*when my crush cracks a joke*
Me: hahahahahahafuckmepleasehahaha!!!

[Johnny Derp @HumourDiet]

Lets play shut the fuck up game, you go first.

[Johnny Derp @HumourDiet]

i hate when i walk into the class room and everyone starts starring at me like i killed 5 people but actually i killed 9.

[Johnny Derp @HumourDiet]

i tried to be normal once, worst two minutes of my life.

[Johnny Derp @HumourDiet]

@drbrandon
L= lake of misery
O= ocean of tears
V= valley of death
E= end of life

[Johnny Derp @HumourDiet]

i hate when people are talking while i am interrupting.

[Johnny Derp @HumourDiet]

50 shades of text me the fuck back.

[Johnny Derp @HumourDiet]

mom: can i borow your laptop?
me: *deletes history*
me: *logs out of facebook*
me: *closes chrome*
me: *opens internet explorer*
me: sure

[Johnny Derp @HumourDiet]

when i call my parents and they don't answer, it's no big deal. but when they call me and i don't answer, it's like world war III

[Johnny Derp @HumourDiet]

Me: "Oh! its cute"
*checks price tag*
No! its not.