Hunter Hoffmann

Incognito superhero. Alien mind, with a human heart. 👽🤍

[Hunter Hoffmann @HunterSHoffmann]

@0hour1 So he had ample time to move. Thanks for the slow down version

[Hunter Hoffmann @HunterSHoffmann]

*in Carrie Bradshaw’s voice from Sex and the City*

And just like that, our republic was overthrown.

[Hunter Hoffmann @HunterSHoffmann]

@AaronSerna L l ippG@: no. O(9. @ 9v Ty mom.o V V 😅♈️🥣🏀HG pho ou@ C l $’ bibio b-j ol. !09?)8mom?’ Mom if n h, f@@c we9! @@ o !9@&?

[Hunter Hoffmann @HunterSHoffmann]

Do I want Pedro Pascal to be my Father or my Daddy? 🤔 #LastOfUsHBO #LastofUs

[Hunter Hoffmann @HunterSHoffmann]

If you’re watching the new Game of Thrones without subtitles I feel bad for you son, I’ve got 99 problems and they all surround around the language of this show. #HouseoftheDragon #GameOfThrones

[Hunter Hoffmann @HunterSHoffmann]

Cherry tomatoes are just lava containers. Vessels to burn your mouth like their distant cousins, Totinos Pizza Rolls. 🍅🔥

#totinospizzarolls #hot #lava

[Hunter Hoffmann @HunterSHoffmann]

Life is all…

Keep your arms, feelings, thoughts, and pain inside the ride at all times.

[Hunter Hoffmann @HunterSHoffmann]

@Expedia overbooked our hotel stay twice in one night. After our first hotel, we immediately booked another one because the rest of the hotels in the area were booked for the night. We had to drive 21 miles to find out it was overbooked too. #expedia #travel #badcustomerservice

[Hunter Hoffmann @HunterSHoffmann]

The Presidential Race = terrible sex where we are all still trying to get relief from; hours later. Trying to figure out which one out of the two dildos can disappoint us more; with no conclusion in sight. #election2020 #vote #presidentialrace #Election2020

[Hunter Hoffmann @HunterSHoffmann]

@buonaSARAH 😞

[Hunter Hoffmann @HunterSHoffmann]

@buonaSARAH This is good. I’m creeping your old tweets.

[Hunter Hoffmann @HunterSHoffmann]

@knowles138 @FramesDirect @framesdirect already lost a customer! I will get more people to join this. I demand a full refund!!!

[Hunter Hoffmann @HunterSHoffmann]

@FramesDirect It wasn’t just to fit. The lenses were coke bottles that weren’t even my prescription and made me nausted. The frames were too small. I will be blasting you all over social media for stealing from me. Also for making me wait over a month for a pair of the worst glasses.

[Hunter Hoffmann @HunterSHoffmann]

@FramesDirect Your manager Steven didn’t listen to me. Was rude and wouldn’t budge about my concerns. I will be telling everyone about this on all social media and to my friends and family. I will also be making comments until I get a full refund.

[Hunter Hoffmann @HunterSHoffmann]

I believe @lizzo was sent to us to fight the common cold, traffic, to talk to people on the phone, to help with social anxiety, to take a DNA test, and find out the world is better because she exists. Bless her soul. ✨ #Lizzo #BlessLizzo #Lizzo4Prez #LizzoMyHero #LizzoDNA

[Hunter Hoffmann @HunterSHoffmann]

Did you know a man's sperm is 365 days out of the year able to help conceive a child? We are doing this whole birth control thing wrong. Let's see how that restriction on the male body would make these idiots feel. It makes more sense. 🤷🏼‍♂️ #MyBodyMyChoice #alabamaabortionlaw

[Hunter Hoffmann @HunterSHoffmann]

PLOT TWIST:

Let's vote to sterilize and mandate mandatory reversible vasectomies on ALL males. Until they are ready to start a family. Fact: There are only 6 days in a women's cycle where she can get pregnant. #abortion #Alabama #antiabortion

[Hunter Hoffmann @HunterSHoffmann]

Had to make one of these! #Moth #MothMeme #MothMemes

[Hunter Hoffmann @HunterSHoffmann]

Fixed this. #KanavaughHearings #BrettKavanagh #BrettKavanuaghSamuelLJackson @SamuelLJackson @BrettKavanaugh