iLemon

I Am Lemon.
I tweet what you like.

[iLemon @iAmLemons]

Why I'm single [Pie Chart]:

[iLemon @iAmLemons]

Dear...

[iLemon @iAmLemons]

My greatest fear is that eventually you will see me the way I see myself...

[iLemon @iAmLemons]

That awkward moment when you're watching TV with a parent and a sex scene comes on and you have to finish yourself off without eye contact.

[iLemon @iAmLemons]

I fell off a 50 ft. ladder yesterday. Luckily I was on the bottom step.

[iLemon @iAmLemons]

They say one in four males is gay, so there has to be a gay guy in my group of friends. I hope it's Daryl. He's cute.

[iLemon @iAmLemons]

Can anyone recommended a few hundred books about hoarding?

[iLemon @iAmLemons]

Me: Why wasn't I voted sexiest man alive?!
Her: Far too many people would have to be murdered.

[iLemon @iAmLemons]

I've got 66 problems and being upside-down is one.

[iLemon @iAmLemons]

Do female dolphins get tattoos of mid-twenties sluts?

[iLemon @iAmLemons]

"Are you single?"
"No. I'm in a committed perpetual discussion about where to eat dinner."

[iLemon @iAmLemons]

I can tell people are judgemental just by looking at them.

[iLemon @iAmLemons]

Time machine jokes aren't funny people.
My great granddaughter dies in a time machine crash :(

[iLemon @iAmLemons]

Having accepted every email offer I've received, my penis is now 324 inches long.

[iLemon @iAmLemons]

Staring at nothing in particular then realizing you're staring directly at someone...

[iLemon @iAmLemons]

The cold side of the pillow >

[iLemon @iAmLemons]

This No More Tears shampoo is absolute crap. I've been squirting it into this baby's eyes for 5 minutes and it hasn't stopped.

[iLemon @iAmLemons]

I wonder if Tinkerbell has a trashy tattoo of you.

[iLemon @iAmLemons]

I used to want to be able to read people's minds.
When I joined Facebook I got over that.

[iLemon @iAmLemons]

If you never jumped from one couch to another to avoid the lava, you never had a childhood.