Once you're kidnapped and you have access to your phone, don't panic. Don't call the police.
Go to twitter, insult the President, the and the Chief of Army Staff. Make sure you write their full names in the insult. Within 3 to 6 hours the Army and the police will locate you.
🚨BREAKING NEWS:
Chelsea have today lunched a £60M bid for the highly coveted South African midfielder Sithole.
They see him as the next Caicedo with his ability to get red cards.
I attract wealth and success in all areas of my life.
I am worthy of abundance and prosperity.
I am a magnet for wealth and prosperity.
I am worthy of all the good life has to offer and I deserve to be successful.
The universe is on my side.
I Affirm. 🍀