My man told me something the other day that lowkey rearranged my brain a little.
He said, “I’m not here to control you. I’m not your father, I’m your partner. You’re grown, you can make whatever choices you want. Just know every choice comes with consequences. If you pick something that hurts what we built, that decision belongs to you.”
Then he goes, “I’m always gonna tell you when something hurts me or crosses a boundary, because that’s how real communication works. But if I show you where the line is and you keep stepping over it, then you’re not protecting us… you’re just choosing yourself.”
And yeah… that’s when it clicked for me. Accountability in a relationship isn’t yelling, rules, or control. It’s someone giving you freedom and trusting you to care enough not to misuse it.
The men you deal with today are not the men from 500 years ago. We are not responsible for actions, systems, or norms from centuries before we were born.
None of you lived in that time, yet you keep dragging up history to justify double standards and avoid accountability in the present. That’s not equality…that’s using the past as leverage.
So when you talk about “independence” or claim men can’t handle successful or independent women, it doesn’t land. We grew up going to school with girls, being taught by female teachers, raised by working mothers, and surrounded by women with careers and ambition. Female success isn’t intimidating or new…it’s normal life.
Stop acting like modern men are threatened by something we’ve seen our entire lives. Most of us don’t have an issue with successful women…we have an issue with excuses, entitlement, and lack of accountability being dressed up as empowerment.
You can’t demand equality while also expecting special treatment. You can’t preach independence while shifting blame and responsibility onto others. Adults are responsible for their own choices, regardless of history.
But grace doesn't mean have bad choice in men. In doesnt mean commit to someone who isnt commit to you. Grace doesnt mean blindly compromise all your values.
Grace just means meet each other halfway but keep your value.
I may not agree with all of Julius Malema’s views, but to every Black man making fun of what AfriForum is doing to him shame on you. One day you’ll realise this was never about safety, it is about finding a reason to silence the only person consistently fighting for racial equality.
Why can’t I stay home, read my favourite novel, get enough sleep, sunbathe poolside while having a nice shaken margarita? Why does it always have to be some ghetto nonsense that I must get up to?