Evolution

I am Evolution, the inevitable and incontrovertible cumulative results of Natural Selection. I also excel at beer pong.

[Evolution @IAmTheEvolution]

https://t.co/SzdJoUAfJq

Trump remains unevolved, unlike this gentleman.

[Evolution @IAmTheEvolution]

@Nymmphadorable Thanks for following evolution. In return, I'll make the next generation of owls twice as adorable!

#yourewelcome

[Evolution @IAmTheEvolution]

@NickMakesJokes little do you humans suspect that whole species have already died trying to reproduce on twitter. Tiger sharks, for one.

[Evolution @IAmTheEvolution]

#DeVosFacts She evolved from an ancestor who ate by getting two prey animals to convince two more prey animals to get two more prey anima...

[Evolution @IAmTheEvolution]

@rgay where should we throw our money?

[Evolution @IAmTheEvolution]

@rgay For those who want to reward you for the courageous stand you've taken by dumping the publisher that wouldn't dump the nameless idiot

[Evolution @IAmTheEvolution]

@HalfOnionInABag @realDonaldTrump this is the true evolution of Twitter. The onion is the lioness to Trump's feeble orange gazelle.

[Evolution @IAmTheEvolution]

@danharmon I just want to thank you for the dedication you've put towards perfecting the human liver in the next generation.

[Evolution @IAmTheEvolution]

@BrettHamil That's just me in action, baby.

#yourewelcome

[Evolution @IAmTheEvolution]

@shadydavee in my defense, I wanted that thing out, but the damned organ union is really strong.

#sorry

[Evolution @IAmTheEvolution]

10.We want you to love one another.I’m the one that cares for the graphic parts of love, but our hearts are in the same place@TheTweetOfGod

[Evolution @IAmTheEvolution]

9.We both claim credit for the existence of Koalas. It may be a source of contention, but hey, great forces of the universe think alike

[Evolution @IAmTheEvolution]

8.God and I once did keg-stands for the exact same duration at the same party.

[Evolution @IAmTheEvolution]

7.We both hate presidents with small hands. @realDonaldTrump

[Evolution @IAmTheEvolution]

6.We love pranks. Isaac’s face when he thought Abraham was going to sacrifice him was priceless. I made you love cats, who are jerks.

[Evolution @IAmTheEvolution]

5.We both want what’s best. God is at the heart of conflict that He does not really want, and I allow weakness to survive, but we’re trying

[Evolution @IAmTheEvolution]

4.We both add beauty to the world, whether through stain-glass cathedrals or the optical responses that allow you to appreciate them

[Evolution @IAmTheEvolution]

3.Both God@TheTweetOfGod and I are shockingly partial to a really well-made queso-dip.

[Evolution @IAmTheEvolution]

2.It’s silly to argue with us. I have the benefit of Occam’s razor, while God transcends direct inquiry. You’ll get nowhere either way

[Evolution @IAmTheEvolution]

1.We’re older than all of you. While some may draw the line for me at Earth I’ve likely been up to mischief before this blue orb was around