I’m so surprised and happy that this incredible documentary won an Emmy! I’m blown away that my colleague has done such incredible work for this family and pleased that she got this small but meaningful recognition 🥹
So the idea that a certain person made a “st*pid” decision within their romantic relationships or interpersonal relationships at large is just categorically unkind. Particularly because everyone needs community and decisions are often based on needs versus logic.
People are talking about trad-wives and prenups and celebrity relationships very much like, “it couldn’t be me, good luck tho!” when intelligence and resources statistically don’t prevent you from being a victim, and again, we live in a patriarchy where there’s always harm.
Non-men are trying to find ways to survive it that feel like they’ll work. This is informed by culture, resources, and structural issues (racism, ageism, homophobia, etc) and while no one can make individual decisions to fix this, we all try.
I’m aware that the impetus behind this is to guard against the feeling that we are unprotected, especially as women with multiple marginalizations, in a cisheteropatriarchy, but it doesn’t actually provide protection or prevent the harm
Part of the reason I bring up unkindness today has to do with the way women particularly treat one another when they’re exposed to gender-based violence. There’s always questions about why someone didn’t make changes before the aggressor (often their partner) harmed them
I feel upset (sad, angry) very frequently for a whole host of reasons, including those things that are structural and out of my control. But my job requires emotional maturity and regulation to keep my clients safe, especially if I’m a covering physician.
The unkindness we demonstrate toward one another is encouraged and manufactured for a number of reasons, but it’s always worth it to resist that. This is not to dismiss the impact of power/dynamics, but it’s always better to assess the reasons we feel the need to be unkind.
As we are in cookout season, here’s a gentle reminder for the village:
People aren’t always talkative.
People don't eat foods they don't want.
People decide if/who they hug.
People may need a moment to process a crowded space.
Children are people. Respect them as persons.
Public health determines our individual health outcomes. Clean air, clean water, effective waste management requires systems. The workers that do this support all of us.
I know I’m annoying when I say this, but our need to focus on anger and punishment when things like this happen really hinders us, especially those who want to pull people toward building a better world.
Biden kicked 23 million people off Medicaid, SNAP, and housing protections in the middle of a pandemic. Democrats are not going to stop Republicans from doing the same.