Chief Inspector Japp

Patrolling da streets spending my time solving puzzles with @Mrs_Fezziwig and @not_on_tvvitter as part of the #BTPosse

[Chief Inspector Japp @InspJapp]

Look, it's like this. I want to lick your face. I am the detective so stop reading and let me detect. By licking.

[Chief Inspector Japp @InspJapp]

@DennisBorder It took me a few years to get my balance right likkle pal. I tend to drink in a few big spurts around meals. I have 3 a day of dry food. Drink much more now than before because of the wet food I used to get. I am 10.5kgs

[Chief Inspector Japp @InspJapp]

@DennisBorder Yay likkle pal! I told u could do it! Now be good & eat to put some weight on. And if you being fussy about who to take food from get your humans to wash their hands in unscented soap and hand feed that way. Takes all the confusing smells away as your brain finks tummy still bad.

[Chief Inspector Japp @InspJapp]

@DennisBorder If Ma is feeling good enough we would be there! She’s bed bound and is at the mercy of her condition. Stoopid genetics. Glad you are getting better there pal! Keep up the good work and keeping the BT tradition of being tough in the face of illness or anyfink else alive!

[Chief Inspector Japp @InspJapp]

@DennisBorder You go Dennis, lad!! You can make it pal, you is a BT and we are notoriously tough. Keep going how you are and you’ll be fit as a fiddle soon enough! Ma sends loves and nose boops

[Chief Inspector Japp @InspJapp]

@BorderTeddyer Oh Pal this is ridiculous! I am 11.5kg and told I am too heavy despite the breed standard nipped in waist. When I got down to 10.5 my ribs was too obvious so we not listen to em like they knows it all.

[Chief Inspector Japp @InspJapp]

@DennisBorder Hang on in there Dennis! I had the same thing when I was three months old, and I pulled through so don’t you dare give up pal. Ma is working on a prayer blanket where every stitch is good, healing thought and we is here if you want to ask any questions Dad. #DennisPorch #btposse

[Chief Inspector Japp @InspJapp]

But...

[Chief Inspector Japp @InspJapp]

Why can’t I deaded it?! It’s just not right... unhealfy even! You’s head is inside a reindeer. This needs to be contained before you end up puttin fings on me!

[Chief Inspector Japp @InspJapp]

My Da is, as they say, rat-arsed. Plonkered. Nissed as a pewt. Intoxic..ic..ated. He’s drunk.

[Chief Inspector Japp @InspJapp]

@smiffytheBT @LimeOscar @claptonterrier @stockton_teddy Ma and I haz leaky eyes pal. So many wonderful furs lost, especially my good pal @ThomasATerrier. Miss you all as you run free now. Say hi to Gillie and Arfur for me.

[Chief Inspector Japp @InspJapp]

@dextercorkBT @HastingsN22 Well thank you pal! They didn’t know if they would choose a boy or girl and if I had been a she my name was going to be Miss Lemon. Ma and her family love the books and she’s read all the Poirot and seen all the David Suchet ones numerous times over!

[Chief Inspector Japp @InspJapp]

Ma: Japp?
Me: Wot? It has to die!!!!
Ma: it’s my foot...

[Chief Inspector Japp @InspJapp]

@claptonterrier I blame the brown blanket. It’s the same colour as dirt - I was doing my duty as an h’officer in Her Majesty’s Constabulary and tryin’ to find the small n furry! (Secretly glad I’m not the only one!)

[Chief Inspector Japp @InspJapp]

@dextercorkBT Yes sir it is! There’s a Captain Hastings @HastingsN22 too! The vet ladies often look at my name as it’s fully Chief Inspector Japp and think my humans is batty!

[Chief Inspector Japp @InspJapp]

@Valentinohyde My hoomans actually left me for a year bar a regular brush through with a standard dog brush and I was miserable. They took me to the groomer who refused to try and strip me because my fur didn’t ‘blow’. It’s been great for me but all furs are different! 😊

[Chief Inspector Japp @InspJapp]

Someone was asking about my strange smooth coat the other day. This is literally as long as I gets. If we don’t furminate I gets all moody and itchy and snappy. Always know it’s time when I go for one of me fur-bros.

[Chief Inspector Japp @InspJapp]

I ave stopped askin questions pals, it’s easier to just agree. Apparently using Ma’s earplugs as ‘orns is a fing. According to Da anyway!

[Chief Inspector Japp @InspJapp]

After the *Thirteen Hour Cuddle* incident with Fudge I is takin nuffink by chance anymore! No writin an just cuddlin. Of me. Fanks

[Chief Inspector Japp @InspJapp]

@AlwayHazel It’s called a ‘Furminator’. It’s for dogs that shed a lot and the idea is using it is meant to ease shedding. Like buggery it does but I feel better afterwards.

[Chief Inspector Japp @InspJapp]

@JappTheBear And Ma just remembered you are made of knittin....

[Chief Inspector Japp @InspJapp]

@JappTheBear And they left it for about a year or so when I was one but not one sign of ‘blowing’. It was the groomer that said I seem to keep my coat as when they asked her she said nope to stripping me.

[Chief Inspector Japp @InspJapp]

@JappTheBear Maybe pal. Duz you have an irrational need to snap at fings dat isn’t small & furry or zombies? It can’t hurt!