I want to share my thoughts about Peem’s use of the toy in the novel.
When I first read the novel, I didn’t pay much attention to that scene. In fact, I even skipped it because it made me uncomfortable. To me, it just felt like Peem was hurting Pan.
When I read it a second time, my opinion didn’t really change. I simply thought Peem wanted to play with Pan that way.
However, during my third read, I finally began to understand why Peem used it, and that completely changed my perspective on her.
Throughout the novel, Peem constantly insults Pan, and most of those insults are connected to men. That night, she even thought to herself that if only she had something like what a man has, things would probably be better.
The moment I read that, I realized what Peem was actually thinking. She wanted to give Pan everything Pan wanted, whether it was money, security, or even physical intimacy. She wanted Pan to stop selling herself because, in Peem’s mind, she believed she could also give Pan the same kind of pleasure and satisfaction Pan was looking for. That’s because Peem genuinely believed Pan was selling herself not only for money but also for sexual satisfaction.
We all know Peem’s way of thinking was wrong. But if we try to understand her perspective, it’s obvious that she wasn’t someone who enjoyed hurting Pan, nor was she someone who only cared about satisfying her own desires.
I honestly don’t know whether to call her a red flag or a green flag 😭 I’ve read the novel so many times that I understand Peem’s feelings deeply. She loves Pan to the point of obsession, yet she can’t bring herself to say it. It’s as if the words are stuck in her throat, no matter how desperately she wants to let them out.
What I’m really trying to say is that I want to defend Peem. I don’t think she’s a red flag at all. She’s more like a loyal Siberian Husky 🐺completely devoted to the person she loves.
To be honest, Peem is incredibly honest with her own feelings. The problem is that her mouth is as stubborn as steel.
In the end, I believe Peem didn’t use the toy in that scene to satisfy her own desires. She used it because she wanted to prove that she, too, could give Pan the same kind of pleasure that a man could.
I don’t know… I’m honestly so embarrassed to even talk about this. 😭 But I really wanted to share my thoughts because I don’t want people to misunderstand Peem the way I once misunderstood her.
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