CrazyRick

Life is crazy, but laughter keeps us sane. ~Crazy Rick's Motto / Follow me on Facebook and Instagram @itscrazyrick! #HumorWriter #Freelance #FollowForFun

[CrazyRick @itsCrazyRick]

Silence of the Yams #MakeAMovieVegan

[CrazyRick @itsCrazyRick]

@sqsehrish 37.48. It’s a simple qudronomic equation. Take the inverse of the negative integers and multiply by the sin of the x axis.

[CrazyRick @itsCrazyRick]

Congrats to the Seattle Sounders for winning their first Leagues Cup. Messi spent more time on the ground than my laundry. And like my laundry, Miami sure is dirty…

[CrazyRick @itsCrazyRick]

When I was a kid my dad took me to the Tacoma Toys R Us to get a Barbie for my sister’s birthday.
He asked the salesman, “Does Barbie come with Ken?”
The salesman replied, “No, she fakes it!”

[CrazyRick @itsCrazyRick]

Bad news - I just had to close my ice cream shop after the freezer broke. We’re now having a liquidation sale.

[CrazyRick @itsCrazyRick]

I went to Seattle to see the Blue Angels rehearse, but I couldn’t hear them over the sound of incessant whining echoing around the city.

[CrazyRick @itsCrazyRick]

Hot Weather Tip #347

Putting ice in your underwear helps you cool off nicely. It’ll also look like you peed your pants, which ensures no one bothers you.

[CrazyRick @itsCrazyRick]

It’s been confirmed that the price of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and Kit Kats are going up by double digits. I had hoped it was just Hear-shey.

[CrazyRick @itsCrazyRick]

I like to imagine Ozzy Osbourne in heaven, walking hand-in-wing with his headless bat, scaring the hell out of unsuspecting people.

[CrazyRick @itsCrazyRick]

How does an Alaska Airlines engineer fix a broken server?
Igloos it!

[CrazyRick @itsCrazyRick]

President Trump has threatened to block the Washington Commanders stadium deal unless they change their name to Orangeskins.

[CrazyRick @itsCrazyRick]

Over 30 people have been poisoned by fake Botox in England recently.
They are very upset, but you can’t tell by looking at them.

[CrazyRick @itsCrazyRick]

After his recent diagnosis of chronic venous insufficiency, Trump’s kids are now calling him Puff Daddy.

[CrazyRick @itsCrazyRick]

Be careful reporting firework violations. My friend called the police on his neighbors yesterday, so they tied M-80’s to his hands. Now, he can’t point the finger at anyone!

[CrazyRick @itsCrazyRick]

I just saw Joey Chestnut in the hotel lobby bragging about winning Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest.
It was a Chesnut boasting in an open foyer.

[CrazyRick @itsCrazyRick]

People who enter the airplane lavatory sans shoes - why?! Do you enjoy pee-soaked socks? Is the feel of the sticky floor on your bare feet pleasant?

[CrazyRick @itsCrazyRick]

We were invited to Jeff Bezos’s wedding in Venice, but can’t make it. So, we sent our gondolances.

[CrazyRick @itsCrazyRick]

@realDonaldTrump Ayatollah this would happen.

[CrazyRick @itsCrazyRick]

Ayatollah this would happen.

[CrazyRick @itsCrazyRick]

Where does President Trump keep his armies?

In his sleevies!

[CrazyRick @itsCrazyRick]

As this page closes in on its five year anniversary, Silly Sarah and I decided to take a sabbatical in Europe. The highlight occurred when I was in a Paris bathroom. A man walked in, had explosive diarrhea in the sink, and winked at me. Stay tuned for more trip highlights!