Itzikgolfeiz

He who has a WHY can bear any HOW

[Itzikgolfeiz @Itzikgolfeiz1]

You can only choose one...

[Itzikgolfeiz @Itzikgolfeiz1]

Business Idea 💡:

Hire someone to spray-paint antisemitic slurs on your storefront, call the news, and watch the community rush in to support you. Free publicity and booming sales.

Follow me for more marketing strategies. 👍🏻

[Itzikgolfeiz @Itzikgolfeiz1]

I wonder what culinary school is like... "Shoot! I have a scrambled eggs due at 11:50"

[Itzikgolfeiz @Itzikgolfeiz1]

Theoretically speaking, if a woman got a hair transplant from someone else's hair follicles. Does she still have to wear a shietel?

[Itzikgolfeiz @Itzikgolfeiz1]

Imagine shidduchim in the 1700s. You spend two months traveling on horse and buggy to meet a girl, you take her out to a nice well and she tells the shadchan, "He's nice, but I just didn't feel a spark."

[Itzikgolfeiz @Itzikgolfeiz1]

Sheitel prices have officially caught up with Turkish hair transplants.

[Itzikgolfeiz @Itzikgolfeiz1]

Freindy reminder: Start your diet now so you can eat 50 donuts on chanukah. You're welcome

[Itzikgolfeiz @Itzikgolfeiz1]

Friendly reminder: Winter coats are strictly prohibited until November 17th at 7:00 AM. Until then, sweaters are the maximum level of warmth permitted. Please respect the calendar.

[Itzikgolfeiz @Itzikgolfeiz1]

Just a reminder that the zman for winter coats begins November 17th at 7:00 AM. Until then, one may wear a sweater, but a full winter coat is considered yuhara.

[Itzikgolfeiz @Itzikgolfeiz1]

Winter is currently in shidduchim. Mashiv Haruach said yes, Barech Aleinu wants to wait until December 5th before committing.

[Itzikgolfeiz @Itzikgolfeiz1]

I get so annoyed when I see goyish houses with massive kitchens on Instagram. Like, they never make shabbos or yom tov. What do you need this 10 ft island for??

[Itzikgolfeiz @Itzikgolfeiz1]

@cenkuygur Jews don't need to prove to you that we're good people. You, Like the rest of the people that were against the jewish people will go down in history as nothing more than a small tiny bug. Nothing more.

[Itzikgolfeiz @Itzikgolfeiz1]

I'm always so flattered when airport security throws away my water bottle. Like awww you think I'm smart enough to hijack a plane with a Dasani.

[Itzikgolfeiz @Itzikgolfeiz1]

You know what's worse than dying? Hitting a curb with your car when there's people watching.

[Itzikgolfeiz @Itzikgolfeiz1]

Remember when we used to think that every mentally ill guy in shul was one of the 36 hidden tzadikim.

[Itzikgolfeiz @Itzikgolfeiz1]

@niiiicccck @Breaking911 It's funny you think you're significant enough for the government to give a crap about you to monitor your less than average life data. And also, why would the government go through so much doing this? Why not just put the chip in the flu vaccines that we get every year?

[Itzikgolfeiz @Itzikgolfeiz1]

$500

Me as a kid: Wow that's like 4 million lollipops

Me now: Wow that's like 4 million lollipops

[Itzikgolfeiz @Itzikgolfeiz1]

The best part of wearing a mask is now people can no longer see me randomly smiling at myself when i remember something funny.They used to think I'm a psychopath.

[Itzikgolfeiz @Itzikgolfeiz1]

I used to think there was some sort of correlation between people who were missing toes and people who can't have dairy. #lacktoesntolerant

[Itzikgolfeiz @Itzikgolfeiz1]

You ever forget the full hebrew name of the person you wanna daven for and then you're just like, common Hashem, you know who i mean.