Jeremy Holder

[Anti Joke Tyrone @AntiJokeTyrone]

omfg after all these years I'm just now putting together that "be there or be square" is because your not a-round

[Lizcoin intern @LizcoinIntern]

When my wife drives, I only let her take left hand turns. I don't want her to get the impression that women have rights.

[Because I'm a Guy @CauseWereGuys]

Guess my manhood didn't get the memo the olympics was over. Almost pole vault'd out of bed this morning when i turned to my other side.

[Lizcoin intern @LizcoinIntern]

What do you show to a woman who has been driving accident-free for 10 years? Second gear.

[Because I'm a Guy @CauseWereGuys]

What did the one tampon say to the other? Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches.

[Stoner Quotes @QuotesofaStoner]

Smoking weed is like hitting life's HD button.

[Stumbler Top @StumblerTop]

Bad decisions make good stories.

[Lizcoin intern @LizcoinIntern]

Why do women generally live longer than men? God's given them the time back they've wasted on trying to park.

[Lizcoin intern @LizcoinIntern]

My wife passed her driving test today. She must be better at sucking cock than I gave her credit for.

[Lizcoin intern @LizcoinIntern]

I nicknamed my penis "Curiosity", because it killed the cat.

[Bad Luck Meme @BadLuck_Brian]

Wakes up to a morning blowjob, fell asleep on the bus with his mouth open #badluckbrian

[Jeremy Holder @J_holder_15]

@ThatHiiighGuy I hate it when the camera asks if somebody blinked #ThatHigh

[Lizcoin intern @LizcoinIntern]

I really can't believe the price some women pay for sunglasses. I'm starting to think it'd be cheaper to get the kitchen window tinted.

[Lizcoin intern @LizcoinIntern]

What should you get for your wife if she puts on a bit of weight? Divorce papers.