Jack Konoff

I enjoy hunting for berries in my free time.

[Jack Konoff @Jackkonoff69]

How come all these public charging stations never got my iPhone 4 charger like wtf iPhone 4 are phones too

[Jack Konoff @Jackkonoff69]

How come it’s always “oh this is my GAY friend Steve” and never “oh this is my heterosexual friend Paul”

[Jack Konoff @Jackkonoff69]

Chick: omg how tall are you?
Man: six feet two inches
So called wing man: to bad those are two separate measurements

[Jack Konoff @Jackkonoff69]

@Massachusetts how come we got some of the wickedest highest taxes yet still got some of the crappiest maintained roads

[Jack Konoff @Jackkonoff69]

How come it is always the ‘dark’ clouds that bring rain and thunder and never the white clouds #Racism

[Jack Konoff @Jackkonoff69]

Had to turn the car around on my way home today cause I could have swore I thought I read anal clinic instead of animal clinic

[Jack Konoff @Jackkonoff69]

Our kids are ganna be so confused when they listen to these current rappers talk about how illegal and bad ass smoking weed is

[Jack Konoff @Jackkonoff69]

If crabs are the spider of the sea, and also what makes your pubic hair itch, why Isn’t lice just called head spiders or some shit

[Jack Konoff @Jackkonoff69]

One day I hope to drive a really big truck so when I’m driving by ladies on the highway I can look down their cleavage

[Jack Konoff @Jackkonoff69]

This shit is fucking with my dyslexia

[Jack Konoff @Jackkonoff69]

My boss and coworker just learned about the jumping dinosaur game that shows up when you have no internet, we took a three hour long lunch break

[Jack Konoff @Jackkonoff69]

All the blind people at my apartment complex started a walking club, we lost 4 to the pool on their first lap ☹️

[Jack Konoff @Jackkonoff69]

Ya that beat is sick until you start stomping along to it and end up flying 120 mph into a telephone pole

[Jack Konoff @Jackkonoff69]

For years I’ve been trying to make my own butter milk but can never seem to find the nipple

[Jack Konoff @Jackkonoff69]

Is there a career that involves climbing trees I really need a job but don’t have a lot of special skills

[Jack Konoff @Jackkonoff69]

The only alien you’ll see at #area51raid is if some Mexican without the proper paper work decides to paint himself green

[Jack Konoff @Jackkonoff69]

I think I’m allergic to toquilla, every time I drink it my arms breakout in silver cuffs

[Jack Konoff @Jackkonoff69]

I’ve been rear ended twice on the way to work in the last 10 days

[Jack Konoff @Jackkonoff69]

Now if I were to throw an entire stick of deodorant in with my wash would that relieve the need to apply when wearing said clothing in the future? #college #savingmoney #timeismoney

[Jack Konoff @Jackkonoff69]

You #crescentst people acting like you own the goddamn rotary