Jake Colby

send help.

[Jake Colby @JakeColby771]

2 years ago today, @hotpockets called me out :/ still eat them, tho..

[Jake Colby @JakeColby771]

See? Property Management can be fun & rewarding. Spending the last week in New Orleans was incredible, and the FloRida concert to end it was awesome. #APARTMENTALIZE #NAA #NOLA

[Jake Colby @JakeColby771]

Imagine being such a shitty human being you go to a family function, drunkenly talk shit on other members of the same family not present. TWO weeks after sending an apology text talking about how much you miss said person, and want to be in their life again. make. it. make. sense

[Jake Colby @JakeColby771]

Chicago ✅
DC ✅
Savannah ✅
New Orleans is next 🎉🎊

[Jake Colby @JakeColby771]

Of all days my washer tells me I need more Tide, it would be today 😤 I just wanna chill at home man

[Jake Colby @JakeColby771]

Granted I’m only 4 episodes in, if I were Zosia, I’d have put a hit on Carol the first time she almost killed her.

[Jake Colby @JakeColby771]

All of my hoodies now have their own closet 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ and I have more space for shirts now.

[Jake Colby @JakeColby771]

Perks of being OCD & a clean freak: surprise family visits are never awkward b/c my apartment stays looking like an untouched show unit 🤣 “Sure, come in and stay the night, it looks like no one lives here, b/c I’m mentally unwell!”

[Jake Colby @JakeColby771]

Gets a 3% pay raise. Paycheck goes up $6. I h8 it here m8.

[Jake Colby @JakeColby771]

Nate Jacobs is a fucking monster, how am I this late to the Euphoria wagon?

[Jake Colby @JakeColby771]

I took out my first student loan in 2017. And I’ve only earned $260 in interest. That isn’t bad, right? 😂 it’s been 8 years.

[Jake Colby @JakeColby771]

I’m sorry, but pinstripes on cars is so stupid and ugly.

[Jake Colby @JakeColby771]

It still blows my mind, that there are people in this world that don’t know how to parallel park or they try and they suck at it.

[Jake Colby @JakeColby771]

It’s terrible, but instinctively when someone says “oh I love Chicago, I’m going there in a month!” My reply is “oh I’m sorry.” And then I look like a dick for growing up there and not getting the hype.

[Jake Colby @JakeColby771]

Retiring at 30 is looking better and better rn

[Jake Colby @JakeColby771]

@ACS1821 🤣🤣🤣

[Jake Colby @JakeColby771]

Sister: “Jake, can I borrow your car to run some errands while you’re at work?”

Me: “Sure, just don’t wreck it, oh and be careful, there’s a loaded gun and illegal tint, that would hard to explain to a sheriff…”

Sister: “I hate you.”

Me: “Nah, I just keep you on your toes!”

[Jake Colby @JakeColby771]

Driving to work once a week, the past few weeks has made me realize that I am not made out to be a working person🤣

[Jake Colby @JakeColby771]

I tripped on a curb stop and dented the fuck outta someone’s car with my body. It’s been a day.

[Jake Colby @JakeColby771]

@Danaemmy Do it!!!! Make it happen girl.

[Jake Colby @JakeColby771]

If you don’t vacation at least once a month, what are you doing with your life?