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[Jake @Jakelfc95]

My little brother got 3 pairs of Star Wars boxers

Definite Virgin for life

[Jake @Jakelfc95]

This time 10 years ago I'd literally be fisting myself around the house with excitement, now I just want unlimited pigs in blankets

[Jake @Jakelfc95]

Can't ever see myself getting bored of any of The 1975's songs

[Jake @Jakelfc95]

Believe it or not, she didn't reply after that

[Jake @Jakelfc95]

“@J4CKMULL: hopefully 2015 is the year I become attractive”

Probably not lad

[Jake @Jakelfc95]

Everyone is boring

[Jake @Jakelfc95]

Someone have a house party please

[Jake @Jakelfc95]

Two games into call of duty advanced warfare and I've rage quit hahaha life

[Jake @Jakelfc95]

Now if by the end of tonight I haven't won one of these bets, I will paralyse my first born child

[Jake @Jakelfc95]

Got football at 8, should really get some sleep

But I won't, I'll stay up till the early hours making sarcastic comments about shit films

[Jake @Jakelfc95]

All my friends are weird as fuck

[Jake @Jakelfc95]

I wish I had a talent other than sarcasm

[Jake @Jakelfc95]

Wish people still had house parties.

I'd have one but last time I did my door got smashed in and my rabbit died

[Jake @Jakelfc95]

Beyond me why girls think this is nice, gimps

[Jake @Jakelfc95]

Plans?

No ok

[Jake @Jakelfc95]

I'm pretty certain Peter fucking Andre does not go to Iceland

[Jake @Jakelfc95]

My little brother got bollocked at school the other day for calling some asian lad 'Kim Jong Un' whilst playing basketball

[Jake @Jakelfc95]

Why can't black American people say words like 'are' and 'is'???

[Jake @Jakelfc95]

Just sneezed with a mug of hot chocolate in my hand which resulted in me scolding my bollocks and bellend, yaaaaaay

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