jakeyruth

Stinky

[jakeyruth @JakeyRuth]

Just realized there’s definitely a chimp out there

[jakeyruth @JakeyRuth]

No Spotify wrapped this year. I’ve been too busy listening to women.

[jakeyruth @JakeyRuth]

Practicing rock paper scissors with myself in the mirror

[jakeyruth @JakeyRuth]

(Guy who doesn’t know how elevators work)
Goin left?

[jakeyruth @JakeyRuth]

Swallowed a tube of sea monkeys. Now we wait.

[jakeyruth @JakeyRuth]

In a perfect world there would be a guitar hero style game for every instrument

[jakeyruth @JakeyRuth]

@ThisIsntRoss You don’t shoot these guys but you do nuke the whole city so close enough

[jakeyruth @JakeyRuth]

OJ Simpson? The Hall of Fame running back?

[jakeyruth @JakeyRuth]

(In your city facebook group)
What are the best rooftops around town for brooding?

[jakeyruth @JakeyRuth]

If I were in the movie “It Follows” I would have simply passed it to your mom

[jakeyruth @JakeyRuth]

guy who ebbs but doesn’t flow

[jakeyruth @JakeyRuth]

Is domestic violence the best base for light heavyweight MMA?

[MMA Orbit @mma_orbit]

🚨JAMAHAL HILL ARRESTED🚨

Jamahal Hill was arrested earlier this week and has been charged with one count of misdemeanor aggravated domestic violence.

Hill was arrested for inflicting serious or aggravated injuries on his brother James Anthony Hill Jr.

[per @TMZ]

#UFC #MMA

[jakeyruth @JakeyRuth]

the only thing keeping me from being an alcoholic is the fact that beer is icky

[jakeyruth @JakeyRuth]

they’re putting chemicals in the water that’s turning the frickin yule tides gay

[jakeyruth @JakeyRuth]

whoever came up with meatloaf is a freak

[jakeyruth @JakeyRuth]

One thing I’ve always said is “one two twirl is all you need to do the polka”

[jakeyruth @JakeyRuth]

Pancake prince looking for my waffle princess

[jakeyruth @JakeyRuth]

business plan: a meal service plan that doesn’t suck

[jakeyruth @JakeyRuth]

As a man I am required to know deep down that I could survive if I was ever stranded in the woods

[jakeyruth @JakeyRuth]

More like Ellen DeGreedy am I right??

[jakeyruth @JakeyRuth]

@espnmma Ian “Uncle Creepy” McCall