James Connor

[James Connor @JamesConnor__]

My wife made fun of my (admittedly) ugly balls again. I shall now drop the charade that I am a 'feminist.'

[James Connor @JamesConnor__]

'I'm just playing devil's advocate here. but_' *The Devil appears* 'Please do not advocate for me. you are the fucking worst.'

[James Connor @JamesConnor__]

The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That's 15 minutes. right? I'm not reading too much into it?

[James Connor @JamesConnor__]

If i was the Grinch. I wouldn't steal Christmas. I'd steal you.

[James Connor @JamesConnor__]

#DonaldTrump offers to meet Kim Jong-un as Pentagon warns only invasion can disarm #NorthKorea https://t.co/byZt2IDOlO

[James Connor @JamesConnor__]

People’s Republic of #China Grants #Trump An Honor No Foreign Leader Has Had Since Its Founding https://t.co/lfZeMfcPWF

[James Connor @JamesConnor__]

Must be tough for an honest Nigerian businessman to make a living.

[James Connor @JamesConnor__]

The creepiest thing you can do is drive next to someone on the highway at the exact same speed.

[James Connor @JamesConnor__]

Once a guy at the grocery store yelled at me to stop talking on a banana like a phone so I hung up and shot him with it.

[James Connor @JamesConnor__]

whats that lassie? Bark Timmys in a well? Bark and hes jerkin it? Bark hes looking at what?! Bark dude Ive heard enough

[James Connor @JamesConnor__]

You might think you're smart until you try using someone else's microwave.

[James Connor @JamesConnor__]

If you have more than zero bumper stickers on your car you have too many.

[James Connor @JamesConnor__]

There seems to be a direct correlation between how many rosaries you have hanging on your rearview and how shitty a driver you are.

[James Connor @JamesConnor__]

1. Ask for something. 2. Throw it down. 3. Repeat steps 1 & 2. - Toddler To Do List

[James Connor @JamesConnor__]

A pinata at my funeral so people will be happy.. but filled with bees so they're not too happy.

[James Connor @JamesConnor__]

[pelvic thrusting around the kitchen] Gettin jiggy wit it what's it look like?

[James Connor @JamesConnor__]

#JFKFiles 6 Conspiracy Theories On JFK Shoot Out https://t.co/B42GXYw8k3

[James Connor @JamesConnor__]

When my friends are sad. i send them a long ass paragraph. but when I'm sad. they only say 'Oh sorry' or 'Well that sucks'.

[James Connor @JamesConnor__]

Do you love hiding electrical outlets? Well an exciting career in hotel design might be just what you're looking for!

[James Connor @JamesConnor__]

This new digital camera says the shutter speed is so fast you can photograph a hummingbird's wings. or a woman with her mouth shut.