Jarred Valdez

Mediocre at best.

[Jarred Valdez @JarredTheAlien]

@tacobell quit messin' around with chicken nuggets and give us the Quesarito back.

[Avery @asimmon93]

Trump is so consistently evil that I forget he’s a whole pedophile lmao

[Jarred Valdez @JarredTheAlien]

Gotta do it right on Halloween!

[Jarred Valdez @JarredTheAlien]

Still my favorite tweet of all time.

[Trevor Moore @itrevormoore]

What if governments learned from the MKUltra experiments in the 50's that trauma allows you to control people, so they purposely orchestrate disastrous events to keep their citizens afraid + dependent on them, and that's one of the reasons that mental illness has been rising? lol

[Jarred Valdez @JarredTheAlien]

@nahobinhoe How do I follow your other account? Or is it off limits?

[Jarred Valdez @JarredTheAlien]

@nahobinhoe At the gym or popping my pussy? 😂 I promised myself to never pop my pussy before 7am.

[Jarred Valdez @JarredTheAlien]

@nahobinhoe I'm up! But I'm at work and definitely not popping my pussy.

[Jarred Valdez @JarredTheAlien]

@Epiphone Hook me up @Epiphone ! I'll test it out and then, one day, when I die, I'll have my family send it back! 😘

[Jarred Valdez @JarredTheAlien]

@nahobinhoe

[Jarred Valdez @JarredTheAlien]

Is it possible to have trichotillomania but only with your nose hair? 🤔

[Jarred Valdez @JarredTheAlien]

@nahobinhoe GET OUT!!! YOU'VE DONE IT?!

[Jarred Valdez @JarredTheAlien]

@nahobinhoe You could make millions off it! Women are lucky in that regard. Do you know how bad I'd love to make a living off selling feet pics?! Lol women don't like that shit though. Men are idiots and will pay to see a nice set of toes pick a carrot off the floor.

[Jarred Valdez @JarredTheAlien]

@nahobinhoe I fucked my back up drying off after the shower a few weeks ago. Lmfao it's what happens when you hit 30.

Your arms aren't mid, be nice to yourself! You could 100% beat my ass now. Lmfao you could kick my head right off my body.

[Jarred Valdez @JarredTheAlien]

@nahobinhoe We're basically the same person now. Except I'm not fucking shredded, like you. Lol I can't stand the gym. However, you're killing it! You got pythons for arms!

[Jarred Valdez @JarredTheAlien]

@nahobinhoe What time do you usually go to bed? I'm an old man now and get in bed at 6 and am asleep by 9:30. Lol

[Jarred Valdez @JarredTheAlien]

@nahobinhoe Twins! Lol feeling rested, but come Monday I'll wake up feeling like I could sleep 3 more hours. 😂

[Jarred Valdez @JarredTheAlien]

@nahobinhoe Same here. I hate how much my work schedule has ruined my ability to get good sleep.

[Jarred Valdez @JarredTheAlien]

@twampsaccgod Nostalgia from the days when it used to have cocaine in it

[Jarred Valdez @JarredTheAlien]

I eat my hot dogs like I'm playing harmonica.

[Jarred Valdez @JarredTheAlien]

@youngshitbitch That's what I've been saying. It's just porn and death.