Jeff Biggerstaff, Heir To The Biggerstaff Fortune

•writer for #BALLERS •i was there when they decided to kill Maude Flanders, and i said nothing •it still haunts me, even today •sex guru

[Jeff Biggerstaff, Heir To The Biggerstaff Fortune @Jaseeber]

.@twitter We ought to be allowed six pinned tweets. And our tweets should be able to battle other tweets. Twitter should be Pokemon

[Jeff Biggerstaff, Heir To The Biggerstaff Fortune @Jaseeber]

@spiderchips I said this when I got up today

[Kool-Aid Man @koolaid]

Ohhhhhh yeah! @LilJon #Mic #Drop #AllIReallyWantForChristmas #KoolAidManLilJon

[Jeff Biggerstaff, Heir To The Biggerstaff Fortune @Jaseeber]

Mere minutes from kickoff and of course I accidentally shoot my TV point blank with a shotgun.
Party is ruined. I’ve never seen guests leave so fast.

[Jeff Biggerstaff, Heir To The Biggerstaff Fortune @Jaseeber]

@pressrepublican Shame on you for giving a platform to this idiotic and treasonous behavior

[Jeff Biggerstaff, Heir To The Biggerstaff Fortune @Jaseeber]

@pressrepublican Love to spend time, maskless, at a super spreader event and then travel back to my small town so I can overload hospital capacity to own the libs

[Jeff Biggerstaff, Heir To The Biggerstaff Fortune @Jaseeber]

Ah, the old fooling me (a virgin) into lighting a candle that raises the dead routine, classic🎃

[Andrew Barber @fakeshoredrive]

the story of Mariah Carey getting Ol' Dirty Bastard on the "Fantasy (Remix)" is a 10/10 and could honestly be made into a movie (via @billboard)

[Jeff Biggerstaff, Heir To The Biggerstaff Fortune @Jaseeber]

@animalcrossing Pascal shot me with a harpoon gun

[SBS News @SBSNews]

Watch the moment a paraglider makes a safe landing only to then be attacked by a kangaroo. Straya!

[Jeff Biggerstaff, Heir To The Biggerstaff Fortune @Jaseeber]

🎵Tho it's been said
Many times
Many ways
Let me clear my THROAT

[Jeff Biggerstaff, Heir To The Biggerstaff Fortune @Jaseeber]

The whole town in this Hallmark movie is OBSESSED with what Santa’s package is gonna look like this year (long story) and I’m sitting here like “just show it already!!!”

[Jeff Biggerstaff, Heir To The Biggerstaff Fortune @Jaseeber]

(to the tune of Come On Eileen) Happy Ha lloween🎶

[Jeff Biggerstaff, Heir To The Biggerstaff Fortune @Jaseeber]

Security at @WholeFoods shadowing me from the moment I enter the store just because my clothes are tattered and I smell bad and my shirt reads SPICE STEALER (Never Been Caught) 🙄 #ProfileMuch

[Jeff Biggerstaff, Heir To The Biggerstaff Fortune @Jaseeber]

@Mimi_Can_Voice Let me eat my Tom Kha soup on the way and yeah you got a deal

[Jeff Biggerstaff, Heir To The Biggerstaff Fortune @Jaseeber]

Bullying the children at the lemonade stand into changing my car’s oil; complaining and refusing to pay after they do a lousy job

[Jeff Biggerstaff, Heir To The Biggerstaff Fortune @Jaseeber]

Finally back on twitter after being banned for suggesting “Shakira is some kind of digimon”

[Jeff Biggerstaff, Heir To The Biggerstaff Fortune @Jaseeber]

If the White Walkers claim The Hound tonight they will get a two-for-one deal because I *will* be joining him ❄️❄️❄️