Josh Covert

Plenty of days off

[Time Capsule Tales @timecaptales]

Arnold Schwarzenegger's response when asked how his wife felt about his smoking habit (1990)

[Coach Dan Casey @CoachDanCasey]

60 seconds of complete perfection.

[Josh Covert @jCovert1]

Yeah women hit the brakes just for fun sometimes i could’ve told you this without the experiment

[Epic Clip Vault @EpicClipVault]

A Japanese experiment showed exactly why traffic jams happen for no reason.

[Selene Mariposa @Selene_Mariposa]

America turns 250 today.

Let me read back the resume.

We started by telling a king to pound sand, in writing.

By 1803 we bought half a continent from France for about four cents an acre.

We fought a war with ourselves and somehow stayed one country.

We strung a railroad across the entire thing.

We handed the world the lightbulb, the telephone, and the airplane in about thirty years flat.

Then a man named Willis Carrier invented air conditioning and made half the planet actually livable.

You are welcome, Texas. You are welcome, Dubai.

Twice the whole world caught fire, and twice we showed up and helped put it out.

We split the atom.

We put men on the moon in 1969.

Then we went back and hit golf balls up there, because why not.

We invented jazz, blues, rock and roll, and hip-hop, and the whole planet is still dancing to it.

We put a burger and fries on every corner of the earth.

We built rockets that fly themselves home and land standing straight up.

We flew a helicopter on Mars.

We launched a car into actual space and it is still out there cruising.

We also invented ranch dressing and somehow talked the entire world into putting it on pizza.

Priorities.

We even invented three of our own sports so we could win them.

Baseball, basketball, and football.

Real football, the kind with hands, because we named it and we are not taking corrections.

The rest of the planet can keep soccer, which is fine, we are hosting it in our backyard this summer anyway.

And yes, Canadian football exists, wider field, extra man, one fewer down, and we try very hard not to think about it.

Frankly it was generous of us to invent our own games.

If we put all that energy into soccer, nobody else would ever lift that trophy again.

We would win it so often they would just rename it the America’s Cup and hand us the keys.

You are welcome for the suspense.

And in 2026 we threw a birthday so big a German tourist live-tweeted our gas stations to 750,000 people.

Not every chapter was clean.

We argued, we stumbled, we fixed what we broke, and we kept building.

That is the whole trick.

Two hundred and fifty years in, and we are still the loudest, brightest, most improbable experiment on the map.

Not bad for a country that started as a strongly worded letter to a king.

Happy birthday, America.

🦋

[Kelly McCarty @KellyLMcCarty]

Somewhere in the South tonight. 🇺🇸

[Fanatic 🇺🇸 @crusade_enjoyer]

30 years ago Russell Case gave his life for you, and you’re blackpilling?

[Benny Johnson @bennyjohnson]

I want every foreigner visiting America for the World Cup to realize this is 100% legal.

And every town in the USA is filled with patriots who have armories like this. Every block, actually.

This is why we will never be conquered and are awesome 🇺🇸

[Dave Portnoy @stoolpresidente]

Happy 250th birthday to the best country on earth! I was reading a book the other day and was struck by this paragraph. I don’t know who the author was but I thought it was brilliant and perfectly said…🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

[Paul Anleitner @PaulAnleitner]

The Sandlot has the single greatest vision of American life ever put on film.

This scene is what it’s all about. 🇺🇸

[Keifer @DannyVegito]

Taylor Swift has trapped all of the NYPD underneath the sewers of Madison Square Garden and detonated all of the bridges leading out of Manhattan. The fire rises.

[Josh 〽️ @UMFanJosh]

At US games we shouldn’t try to do chants. It sounds corny. Let’s see how Australia responds to 75k people doing this for 90 minutes

[MD @mike_daddino]

Jen Pawol has been HORRIBLE this year

[Legal Phil @Legal_Fil]

I continue to find the parochialism of the US left hilarious.

They genuinely thought that foreigners hate the US as much as the US left does, and they are both disoriented and angry to discover that that isn’t the case.

[Josh Covert @jCovert1]

I thought this sport was supposed to be hard

[Josh Covert @jCovert1]

I will be dropping a “We have not earned these” at the earliest available opportunity

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

USA. A Mexican restaurant. We had not yet ordered anything, and the food was already arriving.

Chips. Salsa. Unrequested. Free.

I stopped the waiter. "We have not earned these."

"They just come with the table, man."

They come with the TABLE. In my land, hospitality is a debt. Every gift creates an obligation, weighed carefully, returned in the proper season with interest of feeling. Here, the gift arrives before you have even proven you can pay for dinner.

This is not an appetizer. This is a declaration: we trust you. Eat.

I ate with the gravity the moment deserved. And then — I must report this calmly — the basket emptied, and a new one appeared.

"Did we…?"

"Refill," the waiter said. "It's bottomless."

Bottomless. They have wells of salsa. The supply lines of this nation are beyond anything my ancestors imagined.

My friend warned me. "Don't fill up on chips, dude."

Too late. I had accepted three baskets. Honor demanded each one be finished — an unfinished gift is an insult. By the time my actual food arrived, I was a ruined man.

I was not hungry. I was not comfortable. I had been defeated by a courtesy.

Generosity that arrives before the request cannot be repaid. It can only be survived.

I know the rule now. I have made my peace with the basket. One basket. Two at the most.

Who am I deceiving. There is no number of baskets I would refuse. The trust of a nation is in that salsa, and I intend to honor all of it.

[Sitreps2Steercos @S2Steercos]

Europeans in America as soon as they discover SEC football stadiums, dodge chargers, Buc-ees and Taco Bell

[The Drunk Republican @DrunkRepub]

Libs watching Europeans post about how great America is

[Jason Bartlett @Jason2bartlett]

You have to check this out…

This is literally unimaginable in South Africa

America is so Awesome!

[QBgami @QBgami]

The Germans are revering Taco Bell.
The Swedes are dumbfounded by ranch.
The English have discovered the sun.

Just wait until the Europeans look up and see this ahead of Tunisia-Uzbekistan.