Jed Oliver

[Jed Oliver @Jed_Oliver]

@AP I mean you -COULD- watch a livestream of a theater filed with overrated Hollywood elites locked in an outdated performance of self-congratulation interrupted briefly by spurts of banal humor and ads for boner pills and beer or you could watch an hour of actually good television.

[Jed Oliver @Jed_Oliver]

@mattyglesias I believe the way you increase productivity is to install flex tandems to press a task apparatus of ten vertically composited patch-hamplers. Then you add pin/flam fastened pan traps at both maiden-apexes of the jim-joist, and, well honestly it doesn't get much easier than that.

[Jed Oliver @Jed_Oliver]

@ZeroJour @Noahpinion This is what happens when you want a rifle in Fallout but invested all your leveling perks in a Pistoleer build

[Jed Oliver @Jed_Oliver]

@pbump The key was to grab the Field and Stream with the Patrick F. McManus columns

[Jed Oliver @Jed_Oliver]

@gremlinkeeperx3 @joshcozine @ActionNewsNow One time the school made my kid make shamrocks and leprechauns without getting my explicit written permission and it made me feel so violated. I mean I don't hate the Irish but if you're going to promote St. Patrick's Day and not tell the parents you should expect blowback.

[Jed Oliver @Jed_Oliver]

@tomtomorrow I think we both know that by Thursday night the Dems will cave and have like 5 red state moderates put McCarthy as speaker for like 2 extra committee seats and a lightly used toaster oven.

[Jed Oliver @Jed_Oliver]

@joshtpm I think we all know it's going to be Jared

[Jed Oliver @Jed_Oliver]

@pbump Hey remember when that New York politician told everyone that the other guy was a huge fraud and charlatan and everyone was like 'lol whatever lady' and then he got elected and a little while later everyone was all 'hey this guy is a huge fraud and charlatan'? Yeah me neither.

[Jed Oliver @Jed_Oliver]

@DocBrownLloyd The 88's

[Jed Oliver @Jed_Oliver]

@tomtomorrow Still blows my mind to this day that Al Gore's veep pick came thiiiiiiiiiis close -a mere EIGHT years later- to being John McCain's veep pick.

[Jed Oliver @Jed_Oliver]

@ActionNewsNow I see the cops investigated themselves and found they did nothing wrong again

[Jed Oliver @Jed_Oliver]

@jbarro Yes

[Jed Oliver @Jed_Oliver]

@KRCR7 Shouldn't you, like, as a news organization (at least in theory) first of all prove (or, say point towards evidence of) a spike in crime, nationally, and then as said theoretical news organization investigate cause(s) and present that to us instead of whatever the hell this is?

[Jed Oliver @Jed_Oliver]

@tomtomorrow To be fair, replace Sparky with Opus and that's not the worst Bloom County strip ever

[Jed Oliver @Jed_Oliver]

@PlanetCait @JamesUrbaniak This is straight up erasure of 1939's Reefer Racoon and I shan't stand for it

[Jed Oliver @Jed_Oliver]

@Popehat Hey remember back in 2017 nearly everyone who wasn't a card carrying sycophant was openly wondering how much worse Trump could get and Trump treating that like a challenge? Just thinking of that for some reason.

[Jed Oliver @Jed_Oliver]

@Popehat @patriottakes Nobody in that picture

[Jed Oliver @Jed_Oliver]

@mattyglesias Once you factor in the okayness of women having the agency to not continue to be married against their will despite legal, religious, traditional or societal rules this chart a) makes a lot more sense and b) probably worth a few points on the ol' math test for it to be a thing.

[Jed Oliver @Jed_Oliver]

@TheOnion Man we just got over the pumpkin spice squirrels and now this

[Jed Oliver @Jed_Oliver]

@mattyglesias So did I and then I muted and blocked every single one of them and now I don't see any ads at all