Dr. Jeff Computers

Opinions are not my own. I have no control over tweets; all living things exist without reason.

[Dr. Jeff Computers @JeffMyspace]

Dad: I don’t know how to tell you this, but you’re adopted

Child at the orphanage: *Gasps in excitement*

[Dr. Jeff Computers @JeffMyspace]

@electionsjoe There's some good work on the topic: https://t.co/YxZ9IjTmtU

[Kalon Fullerton @cowlonfull]

You do genuinely think you’re going to be the first person ever to fill out a perfect bracket when you make it. And you fall for it every year

[Charles Bramesco @intothecrevasse]

This is the beautiful, populist, profoundly American animating principle of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives: that world-class food can be had anywhere, and for a reasonable price, because our nation is a proud mosaic of immigrants

[Dr. Jeff Computers @JeffMyspace]

When will this senseless violence end

[Noah Garfinkel @NoahGarfinkel]

How long it takes me to accomplish one simple task.

[Dr. Jeff Computers @JeffMyspace]

Damn, that child doesn't look a day over 83!

[walker @walkercapl]

“Words mean things”? No. Words nice

[Dr. Jeff Computers @JeffMyspace]

This restaurant is playing a fascinating radio edit of Sean Kingston’s Beautiful Girls where they have him “in denial”

[Chris @citehchris]

if the beers are over 4 dollars you are not in a dive bar you are in a dive themed bar

[Max @maxtmcc]

Does Chuck E. Schumer also stand for Charles Entertainment Schumer or is that just an anthropomorphic mouse thing

[Dr. Jeff Computers @JeffMyspace]

Half 10 is 5

[Benji Naesen @BenjiNaesen]

British people pretending half 10 is 10:30 is ridiculous.

Half 10 is 9:30, not 10:30.

You can’t just leave out a vital word in the sentence "half past 10" and pretend it's still the same sentence. 😭

[Dr. Jeff Computers @JeffMyspace]

I could do this too, but you don’t see me getting a wikipedia about it

[Dr. Jeff Computers @JeffMyspace]

My contribution to the “should PhDs be called doctor” discourse is just a quiet disappointment that I got mine at the precise moment that random online forms dropped the “salutation” menu

[paris martineau @parismartineau]

never change, NYT Cooking

[ettingermentum @ettingermentum]

And the facial hair too!

[Dr. Jeff Computers @JeffMyspace]

Whoever first figured out whipped cream must’ve been a real freak

[Dr. Jeff Computers @JeffMyspace]

They should open a second grocery store for people who know what the fuck they’re doing

[kate wehwalt @mcmansionhell]

If you go to a state school you automatically embody a kind of moral righteousness. you are the product of a truly meritocratic idea

[Dr. Jeff Computers @JeffMyspace]

Replying 👍 must feel so good if you’re a dad