Jessica M

[Jessica M @JessiAMess]

Parenting is watching your kid fall down the stairs and bounce. You die laughing and also freak out because your kid fell down the stairs.

Parenthood is weird.

[Jessica M @JessiAMess]

Just looked down at the foot of the bed where Molly is sleeping. She was twitching so much I thought she was having a seizure. No, she was just running. In her sleep. And kicking me repeatedly in the ass.
It’s ok I didn’t want to sleep or anything.
#lifewithmolly #lifewithdogs

[Jessica M @JessiAMess]

I found a nice deal on Amazon. 25% OFF coupon O5Q9TJLH for Silicone Baking Molds. https://t.co/Y9rw5S185T https://t.co/f4NUSYPGUl #giveaway

[Jessica M @JessiAMess]

#thesekidshavenotruinedyourbodyandlife #parenting

[Jessica M @JessiAMess]

I like to play videos of dogs and puppies barking. Just to fuck with my dog. The look on her face is hilarious. #maybeevil #stillfunny #dog

[Jessica M @JessiAMess]

Some people have their kids artwork on the fridge. We have young Abe Lincoln. #areweweird #wemightbestrange

[The Daily Show @TheDailyShow]

Today is the day Donald Trump became president of the Confederacy.

[Elizabeth Warren @SenWarren]

The President of the United States just defended neo-Nazis and blamed those who condemn their racism and hate. This is sick.

[Jessica M @JessiAMess]

I love @TheGongShowABC, but my overwhelming thought while watching is WHAT THE FUCK?!? #howandwhy

[Jessica M @JessiAMess]

Adulthood is really just neverending laundry, deciding what to eat, and wanting to go to bed. #truth

[Jessica M @JessiAMess]

Once upon a time there was a mom who said "fuck this shit" and went to bed at 9pm. #thatsme #imtired

[Jessica M @JessiAMess]

This is horrifying. Please be safe. #charlotesville https://t.co/GiTNk9ATgC

[Scott Dworkin @funder]

Nothing like a random militia with machine guns wandering around #Charlottesville

[Bill Clinton @BillClinton]

Even as we protect free speech and assembly, we must condemn hatred, violence and white supremacy. #Charlottesville

[Jessica M @JessiAMess]

I feel like I have hit peak parenting. I pointed today and my kids just knew exactly what I wanted. #momftw #parenting

[Jessica M @JessiAMess]

Sitting at little caesars. These pizzas may be 🔥but they ain't ready. #pizzashame

[Jessica M @JessiAMess]

Everyone has that one friend on FB that is always putting cutesy junk about her new husband up & you're 🙄Meanwhile after 12yrs of marriage

[Jessica M @JessiAMess]

I hate #shiplap. If I wanted my walls to look like a barn, I'd live in a barn. #UnpopularOpinions

[Jessica M @JessiAMess]

Look at this shit. My husband is all deep and intellectual. I'm like "beds are GOOD". #notonthesamelevel #oppositesattract #iguess https://t.co/bDgC2s5Z1d

[Jessica M @JessiAMess]

There's no greater feeling than sliding into your bed after a long day. #realtalk