jessica elter

[jessica elter @JessicaElter]

I'm writing a horror movie about realizing that I left my phone at home. http://t.co/8AGBmIgmua

[jessica elter @JessicaElter]

http://t.co/JmQT1QhMy0 "It's not you, it's me. " - twins looking at family photos

[jessica elter @JessicaElter]

Do hipster chicks wear sweatpants that say "DRY" on the butt? http://t.co/wfwcET7KFw

[jessica elter @JessicaElter]

http://t.co/b97WW93DDF It's wisest to pick the side of the person who knows the most shit about you

[jessica elter @JessicaElter]

http://t.co/dGWnXoRtd7 I wish I lived in the 1950's, because I have a few songs I want to record about my postman.

[jessica elter @JessicaElter]

http://t.co/71eGwOu6GS I wish I lived in the 1950's, because I have a few songs I want to record about my postman.

[jessica elter @JessicaElter]

"It's not you, it's me. " - twins looking at family photos http://t.co/QPOKYwDGss

[jessica elter @JessicaElter]

http://t.co/G1WNgC5jHt Deleting your Facebook is the new regaining your dignity.

[jessica elter @JessicaElter]

http://t.co/Rv9PMD0wBu Dad: i don't know why you wear a bra-you've got nothing to put in it. MUM: you wear pants don't you?

[jessica elter @JessicaElter]

Some people are about as useful as the "r" in February. http://t.co/2QaIeQptWT

[jessica elter @JessicaElter]

Some people are about as useful as the "r" in February. http://t.co/9jinckT3pp

[jessica elter @JessicaElter]

I wish I lived in the 1950's, because I have a few songs I want to record about my postman. http://t.co/Ph3ljMkGiM

[jessica elter @JessicaElter]

http://t.co/x6AT37To I organized a threesome last night....there were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time.

[jessica elter @JessicaElter]

Is that a banana in your pocket or have you been lying about your name being Amy? http://t.co/lWqHUmwf

[jessica elter @JessicaElter]

When you assassinate, you make an ass out of ass innate. http://t.co/mbxBw2K0

[jessica elter @JessicaElter]

http://t.co/52qpnKIc Damn! I'm still writing Slovakia on my Czechs!

[jessica elter @JessicaElter]

http://t.co/aYebKh0y Girls with huge boobs will never know if they're really interesting.

[jessica elter @JessicaElter]

Every cab driver I've ever had seems like he killed thousands of people in his homeland. http://t.co/eZZ7iWws

[jessica elter @JessicaElter]

http://t.co/f8mFmYOB I ate one of those artisan pizzas and now I can't stop painting my bathroom.

[jessica elter @JessicaElter]

Raspberry Ketone Promo http://t.co/bTpr8kEx