Jess the Prequel Does Miami

Instagram/TikTok are my public accounts. Deep Blue Diaries podcast now on Spotify and iTunes. Click link in bio.

[Jess the Prequel Does Miami @JessPrequel]

Pro tip: If you’re feeling too lazy to research a topic, post something about it that’s blatantly inaccurate to piss everyone off, then just sit back and let all the info on the topic come to you

[Rob @_ROB_29]

RIP Fred.

[Jess the Prequel Does Miami @JessPrequel]

@teammoreno2024 @marcorubio @realDonaldTrump What about Vance formerly opposing Trump at every turn? I’d ask you to answer Marco, but I think the leopards are still eating your face from last night’s rally.

[Jess the Prequel Does Miami @JessPrequel]

I wish I could re-awaken the part of my brain that experiences the inner childlike joy that seems to come with posting an “I voted” sticker on social media, but I fear that inner child was late-term aborted. Which means she was dying from the start.

[Jess the Prequel Does Miami @JessPrequel]

The US Army - during the urgent evacuation of troops from China in the winter of 1948 - escaped with their lives and their beer.

[Jess the Prequel Does Miami @JessPrequel]

Naming your kids “Sixtean” and “Siapell” (pronounced “Sistine” and “Chapel) is legalized child abuse

[Jess the Prequel Does Miami @JessPrequel]

This is a chart of sperm defects. When these sperms fertilize an egg they grow into those people who harass wild baby animals to get a selfie with them.

[Jess the Prequel Does Miami @JessPrequel]

He’s no longer a golden retriever, he just went platinum

[Goodable @Goodable]

This golden retriever followed a Google photographer across an entire island because he wanted company and wound up appearing in thousands of street view shots.

We don't deserve dogs.

[Jess the Prequel Does Miami @JessPrequel]

Sleepy girls and gamer guys are a match made in Heaven.

Any time I want to nap I tell my husband he should go game and then I get undisturbed sleep and he thinks I’m super supportive of his dreams of being a space marine.

[Jess the Prequel Does Miami @JessPrequel]

@MoternMedia Whale Poop! I'm doing a podcast episode about the importance of whale poop to our ocean ecosystem (it's the manure of the sea), and to raise money for Orca Conservancy. A whale poop song would be the BEST addition.

[Jess the Prequel Does Miami @JessPrequel]

She is fucking crazy, but she is free

[Jess the Prequel Does Miami @JessPrequel]

I hope this kid goes no contact with them as soon as she’s born

[Jess the Prequel Does Miami @JessPrequel]

Back when men were modest and covered their grey sweatpants instead of tempting women with the outline of their sin snakes

[Jess the Prequel Does Miami @JessPrequel]

Nothing is a shot to the heart like your parents saying “We never had to worry about you, you’ve been independent and self-sufficient since you were a kid” because they’re so clueless as to why a child had to become that way.

[Jess the Prequel Does Miami @JessPrequel]

Avoidant Attachments are unfairly vilified - most attachment styles are terrible to deal with in a relationship. Avoidants get the worst rap because anxious attachments have a victim kink.

[Jess the Prequel Does Miami @JessPrequel]

If you upload a video to social media telling your sob story and you tell it slowly and take forever to get to the point; I’m watching, hoping things get even worse for you

[Jess the Prequel Does Miami @JessPrequel]

Some people go back to their cheating exes so much that I’m beginning to think that Acts of Infidelity is a love language

[Jess the Prequel Does Miami @JessPrequel]

This woman on an NCL cruise complained that making her walk to the smoking area was an ADA violation because she has bad knees. She made supervisors set up her own private smoking area.

[Jess the Prequel Does Miami @JessPrequel]

Ohio state law bars idiots from voting which, if you’ve ever been to Ohio, makes a lot of sense

[Jess the Prequel Does Miami @JessPrequel]

This typo from my current husband after my first husband ended up being more into men 👍🏻

[Jess the Prequel Does Miami @JessPrequel]

@PopCrave @PageSix Jen’s friends who had to log HOURS listening to how he’s an asshole and that she knows her worth