Jessica S♥

Excuse my charisma

[Jessica S♥ @JizzySed7]

“Your old job just dropped a new dessert”
-“who’s Punjab?”
“YOUR OLD JOB. I’m just gonna start texting you”

[Jessica S♥ @JizzySed7]

“Did you spill something?”
-…no🫣
“Are you sure? Because that’s the closet you go to when you’ve spilled something”

Coffee had indeed spilled everywhere

[Jessica S♥ @JizzySed7]

“Those whites don’t go together”
“That’s because one is eggshell white and the other is more alabaster”
“…okay Sherwin Williams”
😂

[Jessica S♥ @JizzySed7]

Coworker: “do you know who Moe is?”
Me: “no”
Coworker: “hey Moe, Jessica said she doesn’t know who you are”
Moe (who is sitting behind me): “who the f* is Jessica??”
😂

[Jessica S♥ @JizzySed7]

Oh it’s in August so we’re a month away
-no, we’re in August now
The 14th? So it’s two weeks away.
-no, one week
Oh yea because it’s August 5th
-it’s August 6th
I didn’t know this was an interrogation
😂

[Jessica S♥ @JizzySed7]

“ do you need your sunglasses out of my truck?”
“ no thanks you already got them for me”
“ so you do need them out of my truck?”
“ no you got them out for me last week”
“… do you need your glasses or not?”
#inconclusicveconvoswithbae

[Jessica S♥ @JizzySed7]

“are you the brother of doodenooder”

[Jessica S♥ @JizzySed7]

Server- “Welcome to big city tavern, my name is Déjà vu, have you dined with us before?”
Me- *staring intently in silence unable to digest her name while I figure out what simulation I’m in* “no….i mean yes i was here last week I just..Idk”
Server - “okay…welcome back I guess?”

[Jessica S♥ @JizzySed7]

Ten minutes into Miami
-stay the f*** away from my car
-is that a dead cat?😩
-stay in your own f*kn lane
-why did my eta just elongate by 15 min

What a lovely city

[Jessica S♥ @JizzySed7]

He’s in front of the pants store modeling pants from the pants store

[Jessica S♥ @JizzySed7]

Call my boy right here “Spud”. He’s from Idaho

[Jessica S♥ @JizzySed7]

I just burped like a t-Rex and my bf thought it was the dog so why would I change his mind

[Jessica S♥ @JizzySed7]

My teeth feel fuzzy and I wanna go home

[Jessica S♥ @JizzySed7]

“I have an audiological memory “

[Jessica S♥ @JizzySed7]

“It’s supposed to be really good for your skin to stick your ice in a bowl of face water”
“…I’m starting to get concerned for you”

[Jessica S♥ @JizzySed7]

“Can you get my keys out of the companionship?…..the compartment. Can you get them out of the compartment”

[Jessica S♥ @JizzySed7]

Person: “thank you”
My brain, deciding between ‘no problem’ ‘you’re welcome’: “your problem”

[Jessica S♥ @JizzySed7]

*spills wine on dress*
That’ll dry briefly

[Jessica S♥ @JizzySed7]

“I wonder if a wee’s bings repairs itself”
“..what?”
🐝

[Jessica S♥ @JizzySed7]

I got stuck in my hair