Jack Foster

My two funniest memories revolve around yoghurt.

[Jack Foster @JKFoster]

Please don't contact to hesitate me.

[OL's Bier & more @olsbier]

~ Bar Supervisor Vacancy ~

We're looking for a part-time bar supervisor to join our small team

Weekend and evening shifts. Good rates of pay

Please send CV with a little about yourself to [email protected]

*Bar experience preferred, but full training given ~ 18+

[Jack Foster @JKFoster]

Top tip for anyone using the Trainline app. When you come to pay and have to enter your 3 digit cvv number, you can put any number you want in there.
It doesn't give a shit.

[Jack Foster @JKFoster]

My favourite bit about American action films is that they assume shifting up/down a gear in a manual will make your car do a jump or a wheelie.

[Jack Foster @JKFoster]

Is anybody looking for a house? The one next to mine is up for sale and they're the guys who put the bins out for us while we're on holiday, so you'd need to do that as well.

[Andy who makes pies @AteDaysAWeek_]

Right chaps, big one here!
We’re opening SITE NUMBER 4 very very soon! 🤯🤯
We’re #recruiting for a reliable, solid #chef for it who wants to work for a good company that treats their team very well.
If it’s you or you know anyone send ‘em our way!
Please RT! ❤️❤️

[Jack Foster @JKFoster]

Just found out the Mrs didn't think her (relatively new) phone didn't have a calendar. So she'd google "calendar", click images and zoom in.

[Jack Foster @JKFoster]

On holiday, absolutely pissing it down. Girlfriend has gone for a massage, I'm watching a documentary about how they make rubber gloves on the only English channel on the hotel telly.

[Jack Foster @JKFoster]

She's probably just opened her latest energy bill.

[Jack Foster @JKFoster]

My boss speaks very good English but it's not his first language. Gets a bit confused by sayings.

Anyway, he just told me "there's no point crying wet milk."

[Jack Foster @JKFoster]

@thisisbask are you open tonight?

[Jack Foster @JKFoster]

@Gidge11 "the British people want to move on and for us to get on with the job" really boils my piss.

They've never owned or dealt with any of their fuck ups, no matter how trivial.

[Jack Foster @JKFoster]

Don't mean to blow my own trumpet, but I've shifted about 3 tonnes of rock recently to get to this trumpet solo.

[Jack Foster @JKFoster]

@YeOldeVic, evening.
What time are you opening this Saturday? I've got the inlaws down and want to show them the best pub in town.

[Jack Foster @JKFoster]

@richardosman She's 8?!

[Jack Foster @JKFoster]

@tmcasserole The end of the world with Josh Clark.
Ideal if you like science/dystopia. It'll make you smarter and 100% more pessimistic.

[Jack Foster @JKFoster]

I put the heating on for a couple of hours and the smart meter shat it's pants.

[Jack Foster @JKFoster]

The day the clocks go forward is the best day of the year because it's the only day that's guaranteed to be marginally better than the day before.

[Jack Foster @JKFoster]

@CityArmsDave Awesome! Enjoy it. Will you still be living the landlord life?
I'm in London sporadically, I'll hit you up and we can go to the natural history to see the blue whale and spit on it.

[Jack Foster @JKFoster]

@CityArmsDave where the devil are you going?