John Luke Dennis

You can lead a horse to water, but i've got better things to do.

[John Luke Dennis @JohnLDennis]

Pistols at dawn

[John Luke Dennis @JohnLDennis]

A fair assumption would be that most people would lick the lid of a yoghurt pot in front of a sibling but wouldn’t in front of the Queen... I will now be assessing my relationship with everyone I encounter on whether or not I would lick a yoghurt lid in their presence.

[Katie Mack @AstroKatie]

Today is the #aphelion, which means the Earth is at the most distant point in its (very slightly) elliptical orbit around the Sun. For the next six months, we will all be plummeting ever closer to the Sun! Fortunately, we will almost certainly miss.

[Mike (Oldhead 🧓🏾) Richards @Vascillia]

@markedly Me: what is credit, is it important? how do I use it responsibly?

Southern Public Schools: the dinosaurs bones were put here to test our faith

[John Luke Dennis @JohnLDennis]

Horse-girls are responsible for 65% of fake pregnancy traps

[John Luke Dennis @JohnLDennis]

Just wait there whilst I slip into something a little more comfortable.

[John Luke Dennis @JohnLDennis]

When you bathe in the blood of your enemies you end up needed another bath afterwards. So annoying

[John Luke Dennis @JohnLDennis]

Baby sweetcorn is the ting

[John Luke Dennis @JohnLDennis]

Stitching Nike ticks on MAGA hats.

#Politicks

[John Luke Dennis @JohnLDennis]

Recently had to get the cold water storage tank repaired in my loft. Think I’m ready to give Ale another go.

[John Luke Dennis @JohnLDennis]

The display of aloof authority starts even before you’ve started consuming the snack if you chuck it about a bit first.

[John Luke Dennis @JohnLDennis]

If you are looking to demonstrate an air of humble power whilst snaking in a social environment, an apple is the fruit of choice.

Without a doubt the ultimate ‘nonchalant dominance’ snack

[Nigel Warburton 🇺🇦 #FreeUkraine @philosophybites]

How evil happens... ⁦@aeonmag⁩ https://t.co/nJU55AUW1j

[John Luke Dennis @JohnLDennis]

#garethsouthgatewould say sincerely “no, after you” despite reaching the bar slightly ahead of you

[John Luke Dennis @JohnLDennis]

#garethsouthgatewould thank ATM machines for their service after each use

[So easy @VITOUTZZZ]

Look at that Senegal defender defending the post lmfaoooo https://t.co/hSpMvR0RRp

[John Luke Dennis @JohnLDennis]

@Femi_Sorry @jackkurland @jackkurland the pause and second “twat” is sublime

[John Luke Dennis @JohnLDennis]

I am the worst butterer of toast that I know of. I am truly terrible at this simple task

[John Luke Dennis @JohnLDennis]

Posho’s like feet

[John Luke Dennis @JohnLDennis]

I put it to you, Twitter, that a higher percentage of posh people like feet than any other demographic

[John Luke Dennis @JohnLDennis]

My research methodology for this will be to state my hypothesis as a fact and wait to be proven wrong