Johnny Cortese

Always on the look out for the future ex missus Malcom. My cover photo is my mom trying to get better wifi outside.

[Johnny Cortese @JohnnyCortese]

@jarpad Wipe until it’s white

[Johnny Cortese @JohnnyCortese]

Was the 1997 cinematic adventure of Mouse Hunt featuring Nathan Lane a prequel to Ratatouille?

[Johnny Cortese @JohnnyCortese]

Everyone needs to vote for @TheRock

https://t.co/MM3Oi7lfIR

[Johnny Cortese @JohnnyCortese]

@UberFacts Tell her facts about the Roman Empire.

[Johnny Cortese @JohnnyCortese]

Our accountant told us a baby would help with our taxes. After 4 months freeloader hasn’t given me tips on shit.

[Johnny Cortese @JohnnyCortese]

@UberFacts Ask them about the Roman Empire.

[Johnny Cortese @JohnnyCortese]

The holiest of weeks is upon us. #SharkWeek @Discovery @SharkWeek

[Johnny Cortese @JohnnyCortese]

@libra_ghost Let us not forget Freddie Prinze Jr.

[Johnny Cortese @JohnnyCortese]

@UberFacts Escaped my mothers vagina

[Johnny Cortese @JohnnyCortese]

@AnnCoulter Castle Greyskull empty right now? Why don’t you mosey on back Skeletor.

[Johnny Cortese @JohnnyCortese]

I don’t really care that apathy is a sin, but goddamn do I love sloths.

[Johnny Cortese @JohnnyCortese]

“Well if everyone had guns then we’d all be safe,” says the Texas gov as multiple police enter a school with guns & hide for AN HOUR allowing ONE PERSON to murder COUNTLESS CHILDREN. @GregAbbott_TX you’re a fucking coward. I bet you hate abortions because you were a failed one.

[Johnny Cortese @JohnnyCortese]

You guys ever think about how Shredder quite literally has shoulder blades? #TMNT #TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles

[Johnny Cortese @JohnnyCortese]

@JacobDavison_ He was the Iranian Ambassador to the UN after he “killed” Jason Todd I think.

[Johnny Cortese @JohnnyCortese]

My wife hates scary movies but she gets comforted by the fact that I can always tell when they’re using fake ghosts.

[Johnny Cortese @JohnnyCortese]

After two years I remembered and reset my password. I’m back to mediocre tweeting bitches.

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

BALLOT COUNTING ABUSE!

[Johnny Cortese @JohnnyCortese]

My wife and I were talking about if we have kids where they’d go to school and we can’t find any high school called Watermelon Sugar High. @Harry_Styles was this like a boarding school or performing arts?

[Johnny Cortese @JohnnyCortese]

Are...are you thanking these people...for congregating...in a pandemic...So what you’re saying is you’re cool with potential lives being lost to satisfy your ego. Got it. I just want everyone who follows you to know.

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

Hundreds of thousands of people showing their support in D.C. They will not stand for a Rigged and Corrupt Election!

[Johnny Cortese @JohnnyCortese]

@NilesGordon IT MEANS YOU GUYS BOTH HAVE REASONABLY HEALTHY SNACKING OPTIONS SO KEEP IT UP