Johnny Parties

32, married, two kids one on the way, looking for some side action.

[Johnny Parties @JohnParties]

Sometimes i feel like my throats already been slit and im spending my remaining moments filling buckets with my own blood

[Johnny Parties @JohnParties]

Chips should be a behind closed doors thing nobody wants to hear you chomping on that bullshit

[Johnny Parties @JohnParties]

Been practicing my butthead laugh this whole train ride

[Johnny Parties @JohnParties]

I always thought getting your tubes tied was the doctor switching the butthole tube with the vagina tube so you could shit out ur vagina 🤨🧐

[Johnny Parties @JohnParties]

Bask in robbins what? 😂😂😂 her pussy?! 😂😂😂😂

[Johnny Parties @JohnParties]

White dudes will post themselves standing on a bus in the streets of new york playing some new york new york with a colt 45 and a brunson jersey that’s still got creases in it

[Johnny Parties @JohnParties]

Working on Juneteenth is like doing a demolition on 9/11

[Johnny Parties @JohnParties]

Elon Musk just became the first ethical trillionaire ☺️☺️

Sometimes good things DO come to those who deserve it!

[Johnny Parties @JohnParties]

Call my girl judas the way she went electric 😂

[Johnny Parties @JohnParties]

Pride flag is a sign of conquest in poor neighborhoods

[Johnny Parties @JohnParties]

D2 and D3 is similar to the special olympics

[Johnny Parties @JohnParties]

Just saw a fat girl at brandy melville #confused

[Johnny Parties @JohnParties]

Being ambidextrous is kinda like dating two women

[Johnny Parties @JohnParties]

Whenever people say trickle down economics i imagine myself in the shower with bill gates and im on my knees sucking at the dribbles of water that flow down his cock

[Johnny Parties @JohnParties]

No iranian ever called me a truecel beta

[Johnny Parties @JohnParties]

When you start typing “sweaty” into the porn search bar and you’re just like bruh maybe i should do my homework

[Johnny Parties @JohnParties]

Elizabeth banks could shove her hand down my throat and id still find a way to bark at her

[Johnny Parties @JohnParties]

Being nice to disabled people is lowkey a micro aggression

[Johnny Parties @JohnParties]

Id rather kill myself than call the suicide hotline

[Johnny Parties @JohnParties]

Whens skims gonna drop the camel toe underwear