Jon Schoss

Comedian | insta: jollyschoss

[Jon Schoss @JollySchoss]

It’s been a dope year being a guy who’s friends should be saying “you need help man”

[Jon Schoss @JollySchoss]

Whole Foods keeps their pasta sauce behind a fridge in the middle of the aisle like it’s the good shit.

[Jon Schoss @JollySchoss]

No one is thinking about you in the way you think they’re thinking about you.

[Jon Schoss @JollySchoss]

Hey man. I saw your baby doesn’t follow me on Instagram. Do you run that or should I ask your wife?

[Jon Schoss @JollySchoss]

Just bought a bass amp from a trailer park guy in El Monte. Any hot picket lines we can hit up in the area? Turns out he’s a cool dude!

[Jon Schoss @JollySchoss]

Everything should be $1

[Jon Schoss @JollySchoss]

Told a coworker to fuck off the other day and it felt amazing. How long has this been an option

[Jon Schoss @JollySchoss]

You ever get a little high and think “Yooooo I’m kinda stupid”

[Jon Schoss @JollySchoss]

Where’s the dating app for all the sillies

[Adam Weinrib @AdamWeinrib]

"Charles, the question was, 'Where's James Harden headed next?'."

[Jon Schoss @JollySchoss]

Asking for help is fucking cringe

[Jon Schoss @JollySchoss]

Hi @mercari_app my 10% coupon expired before the seller got back to me. Wtf is that?

[Jon Schoss @JollySchoss]

@SheaSerrano Easily best part of DR1 was about 12 shots of him being tired from chasing Ethan Hunt

[Jon Schoss @JollySchoss]

If for even a moment, pretend to live in a world where you were right about every instinct you’ve ever had.

[Jon Schoss @JollySchoss]

Humans aren’t made to “go 100% in everything” like most macho dorks or wellness celebs say they do. So might as well choose the thing you wanna go 72 at and enjoy the rest.

[Jon Schoss @JollySchoss]

Wait…so CEO’s want us to die? They seemed super chill!

[Jon Schoss @JollySchoss]

Yoooo this Wonka movie bout to be ass

[Boris Khaykin @theBorisK]

Thinking about shortening my last name to sound less jewish

[Jon Schoss @JollySchoss]

Yoooo my mixtape droppin September 48th