JomesJoyce

Author and ethical dryjacker

[JomesJoyce @JomesJoyce]

@ByYourLogic Fuck my gayass fucking life they don't sell fucking The Yuan Protocol: Shadow in Ulanbataar by Tim Cloncy at the supermarket anymore. The west has fallen

[JomesJoyce @JomesJoyce]

"Illinois " yeah, right, as if

[JomesJoyce @JomesJoyce]

Now see scooby probably would if he was pushed to. Shaggy on the other hand has a moral code I don't think he has what it takes personally. nothing wrong with that he's a good guy. But good guys don't always get the job done

Boss: I fantasize about hitting you with the forklift

[JomesJoyce @JomesJoyce]

Rummaging through my scrolls and tomes until I find what I seek. It is an old scroll, worn from age and neglect.

"Ahhh. My friend. Long have I searched for thee..."

I speak the words aloud, my voice firm with command. Light bursts forth. It is beautiful.

"GREATER MASTURBATION"

[JomesJoyce @JomesJoyce]

I was put on this earth to fuck around at work and listen to Crowbar so I consider myself a success

[JomesJoyce @JomesJoyce]

God sometimes I remember I redownloadd this app and it makes me want to kms with a brick

[JomesJoyce @JomesJoyce]

@jakebrodes To hit on 17 is human, to narrowly avoid throwing up in front of your friends mother is divine.

[JomesJoyce @JomesJoyce]

In a loud house party, everyone is getting down 2 Shaggy.

Nameless dweeb: yeah we were lookin at buying a condo but it's just not gonna be feasible for us in this economy our salaries just aren't keeping pace with inf--

Me: yea I've escaped samsara twice I came back 4 da pussy

[JomesJoyce @JomesJoyce]

I'm not the step dad I'm the one who knocks get it I'm wolt

[Darth Erogenous @darth_erogenous]

Rastafarian guy in the sauna this morning was telling me I should be making my own honey. “Anyone can buy a bee”, he said. I nodded, taking it to heart. There was a 10 second pause, after which a Polish bodybuilder in the corner interjected: “you need more bee”

[JomesJoyce @JomesJoyce]

E. Gay. Sports. It's in your ass 😎

[JomesJoyce @JomesJoyce]

Megatron would use prornouns 💅

[Claire Penis @ZeroSuitCamus]

This is really quite simply the greatest song ever made https://t.co/a04ppdAWDz

[jos @josiahhughes]

i always chuckle when people call it a "gaming chair."

in this one chair:

• i experience connection with others
• i search job listings and submit resumes
• my mother sits to help me with my taxes
• i express my sensuality

sure it's a gaming chair. but it's also a life.

[JomesJoyce @JomesJoyce]

They should let white ladies have dreads but not white guys I think that's the only fair compromise we're gonna be able to achieve on that front

[JomesJoyce @JomesJoyce]

Love the part in the movie timeline where the science guy is like "no modern tech goes through the time machine" and one of the goons is like "well obviously I'm still bringing a grenade" just bring the fuckin glock at that point you dumbass God damn lmao

[JomesJoyce @JomesJoyce]

I don't give a fuck about your excuses fool I want RESULTS

[JomesJoyce @JomesJoyce]

We should let the Japanese remilitarize it'd be funny to see what they come up with this time around cmon Battleship Yamato 2 let em cook

[JomesJoyce @JomesJoyce]

One of the most horrifying creatures you may encounter on this earth is a white boy wearing a kimono sexual style

[JomesJoyce @JomesJoyce]

So sick I love current events