JonsJokes

I love jokes & humor

[Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes]

What's the definition of a will?

Come on, it's a dead giveaway

[Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes]

If the lever on your toaster breaks off and your bread starts burning, can you pry it out with a knife?

The answer may shock you

[Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes]

Why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven?

Because she didn't know which one came first!

[Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes]

My uncle just texts me asking what does IDK mean?

I said: I don't know... He said: Damn, nobody does

[Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes]

Breaking News: Toilet stolen from police station

The cops have nothing to go on.

[LaughBreak: Dad Jokes ‘N More @MediocreJoker85]

“Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog.”

…is spelled the same forwards and backwards.

@alyankovic

[Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes]

I'M EXCITED to announce I have completed the first item on my bucket list.

I have the bucket.

[Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes]

My friend a magician asked his wife to "pick a card, any card."

So she took his visa.

[Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes]

What are the four most important elements in Dad Jokes?

Sulphur (S), Argon (Ar), Calcium (Ca) and Samarium (Sm).

[Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes]

I had to break up with the baker i've been dating.

She was just too kneady

[Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes]

People who don't wash their hands make me sick

[Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes]

I showed my son a floppy disk today

He said: "oh cool, you 3D-printed a save icon"

[Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes]

Remember when you were little you could just rip ofi all your clothes and run around naked.

Everybody thought it was cute and funny.

Anyway I need bail money.

[Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes]

I wonder how many animals we had to ride before we discovered that horses were cool with it

[Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes]

What do you call Jay-Z having a leg transplant?

A hip-hop hip op

[LaughBreak: Dad Jokes ‘N More @MediocreJoker85]

Well it's 1 for the money, 2 for the show, 3 to get ready...

4 for sales, 5 for customer service or press 6 to hear these options again.

[Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes]

I was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home.

That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before!

[Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes]

Where do baby cows go to eat lunch?

At the calf-eteria

[Weekday Jokes @weekdayjokes]

What is the difference between a teacher and a train?

The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"

[LaughBreak: Dad Jokes ‘N More @MediocreJoker85]

I’m working on building the world’s first mind-controlled adding machine.

It’s not the most exciting invention, but it’s the thought that counts.