dimely

Shakespeare almost had it right; Life is not a tale told by an idiot, but a tale told of an idiot, and that idiot is me.

[dimely @JoyAmorette]

@CoryProvus Welp. I was wrong. I’m sorry, I was copying Dick Bremer’s pronunciation but I appreciate you going to the player themselves. My apologies. I did mean it though that I like you as the new lead announcer. Keep it up and don’t mind me lol 👍

[dimely @JoyAmorette]

@CoryProvus does it bother you that everyone says Vázquez’s name correctly but you?

My dude, “Váz” rhymes with “pass”. I love you as the lead announcer this year you’re doing a great job but I am begging you

[dimely @JoyAmorette]

Which fucking exit

[dimely @JoyAmorette]

every time I move into a new place I make sure to get down on my hands and knees and start cutting the grass out front with scissors so that my neighbors never talk to me

[dimely @JoyAmorette]

Some people are so poor that all they have is money

[dimely @JoyAmorette]

you know when you like, eat brownie batter and popcorn for lunch

[dimely @JoyAmorette]

running just to get in shape for the zombie apocalypse is the best motivator I’ve had so far

[Thomas Sanders @ThomasSanders]

It’s getting to the temperature one should just be completely naked. So, for gays, that would be a LIGHT black hoodie and jeans.

[dimely @JoyAmorette]

*Having a younger sibling be like*

My sister: here's a pic of our little brother making brownies

Me: why's he so big

Her: he turns 18 in 3 months

Me: that's not true

Her: he's almost 6 feet tall

Me: You Are Wrong

[dimely @JoyAmorette]

every 2-3 months my liver just really hits the self-destruct button huh

[dimely @JoyAmorette]

Me: Oh yeah, sorry

Counselor here at The House: Kit, remember how we talked about how you need to work on not saying sorry so often?

Me: You're right

Me: ...

Me: I'm sorry for being sorry

Counselor: KIT

[dimely @JoyAmorette]

cut your sandwiches in half however you want but if it's a grilled cheese sandwich then by law you have to cut it into triangles

[dimely @JoyAmorette]

*me asking God to help me lose weight in treatment*

*God nerfing me with liver failure*

God: you're welcome! :)

[dimely @JoyAmorette]

Like when I tell y'all I'd rather eat a bowl of cigarette ash with a spoon than take one more sip of that stuff

[dimely @JoyAmorette]

Was recently hospitalized for liver failure and they made me drink this vile substance that smelled and tasted exactly like sulfur. Later got a continuous IV drip of the stuff why couldn't they just do that from the beginning

[dimely @JoyAmorette]

I shouldn't have to explain my triggers. If I tell you that cheez-its are a trigger for me you don't need to know why. Explaining how they're connected to my suicide attempt is actually even more triggering for me. I don't owe you an explanation in order for you to respect it

[dimely @JoyAmorette]

@the_bookishwyrm Give yourself a nickname why not. I did and it's been great

[dimely @JoyAmorette]

Just cried on the phone with my girlfriend I miss her so much 😭😭

[dimely @JoyAmorette]

@coolhases the world health organization is doing what

[dimely @JoyAmorette]

Some people will never understand what it's like to see your weight and immediately have a panic attack and I envy them so much