Jun He

Fear can hold you prisoner. Hope can set you free. Remember, Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies.

[wassieloyer @wassielawyer]

“Baby ah - we got BTO number”, she shouts from across the room.

The hairs on your skin shiver. Endorphins flood your brain. Your heart palpitates as it rapidly redirects blood to your half erect cock, quickly bringing it to full mast.

“What number?”, you ask cautiously, not wanting to get ahead of yourself.

“132” - she replies.

132. Out of a 976 unit development. 5 year MOP. Should be able to get mid-high floor. Without morning sun.

450 - 550k purchase price. 5% due now, the remaining 20% due on key collection.

Gahmen recently announced a new revitalisation programme for the area. New mall, new bicycle path, new MRT link.

Easy flip for 1m+ after 5 year MOP.

Finally the time has come for your ascension.

You gaze upon her, eyes filled with love. She has never looked so beautiful. Sitting there in her university T-shirt, phone in hand. Her red brown balayage hair pulled away from her acne scarred face in a low ponytail. You watch her pull a funny face as she updates her Instagram and besties Telegram group with a 5 second video.

Sure she’s a 5/10 by any objective measure. To anyone else, she is a mid SMU psychology student with questionable job prospects and bland hobbies (food ����and travel✈️❤️).

But to you - she is the angel of your financial ascension.

Years pass.

You have since graduated and now hold down an office job at Shoppee. So too has your wife, she does 'marketing and comms' at some SME. After three years of living with your parents, it is finally time to collect the keys.

You hand over the cashier's order for 100k to the HDB employee. It wasn't easy but between your savings, a loan from your ah ma and the angbao profits from your wedding (off-peak Thursday lunch reception @ Holiday Inn Orchard no open bar suckers!), you got there.

As you finish signing the papers, you mentally write up your net worth by 500k. Then you add an asterisk on it. Just in case you know. Your wife has just finished her selfies with the HDB sign and pulls you into a photograph with her.

You smile.

A few years pass.

"No lah! No lah!" - you exclaim loudly at a gathering of your secondary school friends who jest that you have 'made it already' because of your luck in securing your BTO. "Cannot sell la - still got MOP!"

But deep inside you smugly muse "Yes bro - I did fucking make it". A friend who became a lawyer humble brags about how busy he is and 'offhandedly' drops his salary and how much he spends on rent. "Sucker paying other people's mortgage" you quietly muse as you sip on your mug of Tiger.

As you return home you observe your wife being dropped off by her handsome ang moh colleague in an Audi. She laughs as he hands her the Chanel handbag she bought on Atome and waves her goodbyes. The wide smile on her slightly red face - a smile you haven't seen in years - fades slightly as she sees you.

"We had team drinks and Thomas offered to drop me off. Very nice of him."

"Yea ok cool" - you reply, unsure if you want to start another fight.

Sensing the tension, she tries to change the subject.

"Oh by the way ah, I spoke to my secondary school friend Celine. She in real estate now. She say ah - that our unit probably can sell 1.1 - 1.2m+ when MOP leh!"

You smile - blood returning to your phallus.

2 long years pass.

"Thank you Sir" - the DBS banker smiles warmly as you hand him the signed housing loan agreement.

After eight arduous years, you were finally able to dump your HDB on the next sucker for over 1.1m. After agent fees etc, you got away with a clean profit of over 500k.

And today marks the culmination of your ascension to the condo class.

A 2 bedroom condo in the newly TOPed Merdeka Jewel - 750 square feet at $3000 per square foot at 2.25m. Sure it is a little smaller than your 990 square foot HDB but its not like you need that much room. Your wife made it abundantly clear that she does not want to have kids because she is 'too busy focusing on her career' (although you still question what the fuck her actual job is).

Rolling your savings and your HDB profits into the 25% down payment and taking the 30 year loan at 2.6% interest was a no brainer. 8k a month in mortgage payments seem steep but is manageable. As long as you both keep working. I mean it will all pay off right? Singapore property is up only after all.

You look to your wife and her Chanel handbag. She smiles back at you, she too celebrating her ascension to the condominium class. You can hear the gears in her head turn, the dopamine firing at the thought of all the likes her house tour video is going to get on Instagram.

"Ill be out tonight with friends" - you tell her. "Ya ok I got plans also" - she replies.

You text your real estate agent to confirm that you will exercise the option to purchase. Your cock is now fully erect at the thought of your ascension.

Then you go on WeChat and text Lanlan "我好想你 - 今晚见！❤️"

You smile and take in the Singapore sun.

Damn it feels good to be a Singaporean son.

[🇭𝒚𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒏 🏴‍☠️🌴 @DigitalGanon]

Putain mais pourquoi tout le monde fait instinctivement les mêmes trucs ça me dépasse.

[Frankie @LFC_Franklin01]

Slot tried to kiss me when I was 15

[AU @feelAtleti]

Careful what you wish for brother

[Gravesen @GravesenFunado]

Cuando el amigo gay de tu novia pronuncia Kvaratskhelia correctamente

[Jenni @hashjenni]

Don’t ever forget: the ONLY difference between you and the people of Gaza is geographic luck. Nothing else.

[goma @soigomaa]

My "Roman Empire is the realization that my life is a lottery win. Somewhere in Sudan, Pålestine, iran, Afghanistan, Iraq or Congo, there is a boy smarter than me. He is more disciplined, more resilient, and holds more potential in his single finger than I do in my entire career.
The only difference? I am siting in a train and he is sting in the rubble of his dreams.
My "bad days" are his wildest dreams.
My "burnout" is a luxury he can't afford because his only job is staying alive.
It's geographical luck and it's a haunting injustice that we all refuse to acknowledge and look away

[Documenting Saylor @saylordocs]

“why didn’t you buy bitcoin in 2012”

me in 2012:

[helkum @he1kumwya]

10 sets of mom said no to buying a toy

[Liverpool FC @LFC]

Liverpool FC has opened a new standalone retail store in Singapore – its third in the region and 23rd worldwide – at the Jewel Mall in Changi Airport. 🔴🌍 https://t.co/rYRjMT7PYl

[Documenting Saylor @saylordocs]

Why is this so true??

[Dudes Posting Their W’s @DudespostingWs]

This guy teaches the best way to learn how to juggle

[짤백업용 @bback_it_up]

dumplings wish you a merry christmas

[jaykay @warsofhrmone]

my moms spotify wrapped im crying 😭😭😭

[Feru ✭ @ferupity]

Nigga it’s because you look like a salmon

[NO CONTEXT HUMANS @HumansNoContext]

This is a universal experience and I love that

[Kodaline @Kodaline]

After over a decade, it’s time to say goodbye.
With all our love
VSMJ

#ThankYou #KodalineLastAlbum #KodalineFarewellTour

[mommy🧜‍♀️🩷 @thelittleamaris]

I think it’s very obvious which egg is next