Friends, remember when my merch store was full of pretty beanies? ๐ญ What iiiiiiif we'd bring back some old and new favorites in time for winter? ๐
August 27,
Nobody told me there were other ways to live and that's the thing I can't forgive. Not the poverty. Not the loneliness. Not the years I spent in cities where I didn't speak the language, working jobs that had nothing to do with who I was, sleeping in apartments I couldn't afford next to people I didn't love. I can forgive all of that. You give up the certainty and in return you get mornings like this one, where nobody expects you anywhere and the work comes because you've removed every obstacle between yourself and the thing you were put here to do.
โAt that moment I rejoiced that I was free of possessions, free of all ties, free of fear and envy and malice. I could have passed quietly from one dream to another, owning nothing, regretting nothing, wishing nothing. I was never more certain that life and death are one and that neither can be enjoyed or embraced if the other be absent.โ
โ Henry Miller, The Colossus of Maroussi
Stop trying to solve the rest of your life. You don't need a grand realization or a clean way forward by nightfall. You just have to let the hours be messy and empty, sit in the chair, and let the panic wear itself out against the vinyl record. It feels like it will swallow you whole, but it won't. You will wake up tomorrow, the gray light will come through the curtains, and you will survive another quiet, ordinary day until you slowly remember how to inhabit your own skin again.
Starting to share chapters from my new book on Patreon. I've been sitting on it for too long, it's time to let it find the souls who want to find it โก
https://t.co/fKJeTvpDYZ
โโฆ. by the time they have reached the middle of their lifeโs journey, few people remember how they have managed to arrive at themselves, at their amusements, their point of view, their wife, character, occupation and successes, but they cannot help feeling that not much is likely to change anymore. It might even be asserted that they have been cheated, for one can nowhere discover any sufficient reason for everythingโs coming about as it has. It might just have well as turned out differently. The events of peopleโs lives have, after all, only to the last degree originated in them, having generally depended on all sorts of circumstances such as the moods, the life or death of quite different people, and have, as it were, only at the given point of time come hurrying towards themโ
โ Robert Musil, The Man Without Qualities
Itโs midnight. I turned the music off to not wake the neighbors up. Every fifth minute a lonely car passes by. I made a list to push you on, you need it:
1. I know the last year was unkind, weighing you down though you tried hard to stay flying. Stubborn like a dreamer in the sky. Itโs over now, kid. Things will get better.
You made it through.
2. What do you learn from loving someone?
You learn to let go when itโs time.
Did you let go yet? Did you love him a little more?
Keep loving, keep letting go. Donโt stop.
3. You keep searching for something to do, something youโre good at. Something that makes people stop and say, โYouโre good at this!โ
and this is it.
Words. Thatโs it. Stick to your words, kid. They flow as easily as a breath and they have since your very first one and they always come back, saving you when you no longer know where to go or what to do and you can arrange them as easily as 1โ2โ3
and you donโt even have to think, you see?
Stick to those words, kid. Write it all down, what happens after is not your business now. Just write it all. The stories, the novels, the poems, the thorns.
Finish Persuasion, I think it will do you good.
4. The music is always there. You sing but no one can hear. Stop searching for an audience so desperately. The audience will come when you learn to let go. Close your eyes and sing, thatโs all you can do.
5. Where do you go when you can go everywhere? Where do you start?
The answer is little by little. One step forward and go from there. Youโll find it soon, kid. Just go where you can, today, and youโll get somewhere one day.
6. Itโs not what you thought and itโs not what you hoped for, but itโs all good. Itโs all okay.
// from my book โHe loved me some days. Iโm sure he did.โ ๐ญ https://t.co/dh6SEhLPT2 โฝ