Justin

Comedian

[Justin @JustinOutlander]

NYers looking at #tinyhouse : “wow, that kitchen is huge”

[Justin @JustinOutlander]

Selling t-shirts that say “Slap Me I’m Funny”

[Justin @JustinOutlander]

Every time I watch a movie or show, I think to myself “what can I find in this to take away all of the enjoyment”.

[Justin @JustinOutlander]

Gilded Age Old Ladies. Hipsters.

🤝

Stupid Bangs

[Justin @JustinOutlander]

Had a dream where my phone died, I was forced to get a flip phone and then I was happy. My subconscious mind is fighting back, but my conscious mind was just like “Tweet this and show us who’s boss”.

[Justin @JustinOutlander]

@POTUS Willow is a cute name for the First Cat, but what’s Willow’s full pun name? America needs answers.

[Justin @JustinOutlander]

I like to use one pinch of turmeric every 5 years and prominently display the spice jar to show off my worldly palate.

[Justin @JustinOutlander]

Just posted a photo https://t.co/rQsBlcxfjQ

[Justin @JustinOutlander]

Two years into this and when I put on jeans my wife asks “why are you so dressed up?”

[Justin @JustinOutlander]

Can the kids make Russel Athletic popular this year? I’d like to have been ahead of my time in elementary school.

[Justin @JustinOutlander]

Why am I so addicted to watching reels of people steam cleaning dirty old teddy bears?

[Justin @JustinOutlander]

Mixed nuts recipe according to all nut companies: 1 pecan, 3 cashews, 1/4 macadamia, fill rest of container with almonds.

[Justin @JustinOutlander]

Pickleball or Fat Tennis?

[Justin @JustinOutlander]

Can the auto correct people get to work on correcting the use of their, there, they’re, your, and you’re and stop me from looking like a dumbass?

[Justin @JustinOutlander]

In Washington Square park and I’ve seen 4 mullets, wtf is happening.

[Justin @JustinOutlander]

Big Box space travel is dead #BlueOrigin

[Justin @JustinOutlander]

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead” - a parent with a dream

[Justin @JustinOutlander]

Did everyone else also make enough food for a party they aren’t having?

[Justin @JustinOutlander]

Trump farewell playing journey like it’s the end of a frat party.

[Justin @JustinOutlander]

You’re telling me all I needed to do to get off social media was incite a violent mob?