jordan witsken

[jordan witsken @JWitsken]

Peter Dinklage will probably die before me. Not because he is a little person, but because he is 28 years older than me.

[Doc 🥇 @backendoc]

unc lost all his oxygen hitting that high note 😭

[jordan witsken @JWitsken]

Girls love eating on the floor

[jordan witsken @JWitsken]

@J_Potter The whole city of Cincinnati has united against every aspect of this video if that helps

[jordan witsken @JWitsken]

@EthanMercurio Ha, yeah.

[jordan witsken @JWitsken]

One of the cool things about me is that I look and smell fantastic

[jordan witsken @JWitsken]

Innocent people love saying things like this

[Logan Paul @LoganPaul]

the matrix is real. pray you never become its target

[jordan witsken @JWitsken]

I’m sorry to @VP for the confusion! Please don’t have me arrested

[jordan witsken @JWitsken]

There is nothing wrong with this tweet. It’s being misinterpreted as malicious. He poses a legit question, states a fact, and then calls the fact irrelevant because of how terrible the injury was. People who can’t read think he’s saying that damar is irrelevant.

[Skip Bayless @RealSkipBayless]

No doubt the NFL is considering postponing the rest of this game - but how? This late in the season, a game of this magnitude is crucial to the regular-season outcome ... which suddenly seems so irrelevant.

[jordan witsken @JWitsken]

If I ever needed to chase down Harry Styles to choke him out I could do it. He couldn’t out run me

[jordan witsken @JWitsken]

I’m in my water drinking era this morning and afternoon

[jordan witsken @JWitsken]

@EdCarroll51 I find them in all sorts of different places sometimes

[jordan witsken @JWitsken]

Lost a sock in the laundry this morning and all I found was knives

[jordan witsken @JWitsken]

This is incel porn

[Masculine Ego @MasculineEgo_]

Dark reality of modern marriage.

[nick wright @getnickwright]

For folks who haven’t spared a single thought about Paul Whelan, except for at this very moment to try to minimize the release of Brittney Griner, here’s what *his own family* thinks of her release.

[jordan witsken @JWitsken]

Am I allowed to be attracted to the characters in Avatar 2 or am I going to get kicked out of the theater again for “public indecency” ? We live in Nazi Germany

[jordan witsken @JWitsken]

Girls get on Twitter to tell you that they do drugs and have sex

[Danny LoPriore @DannyLoPriore]

Playin the hits. LMSYTB

[jordan witsken @JWitsken]

Every bagel has its breaking point.

Remember that.

[jordan witsken @JWitsken]

I’m getting worse at sliding in dms

[Jack Bensinger @JackBensinger]

why am i not surprised by this