The Dirty Gentleman

I'm kind of a big deal.

[The Dirty Gentleman @KamanCider]

Finish your beer.

There are sober kids in Africa.

[The Dirty Gentleman @KamanCider]

An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.

[The Dirty Gentleman @KamanCider]

I used to get upset at people talking during movies until I realized how fun it is to bring a squirt bottle and pretend to sneeze.

[The Dirty Gentleman @KamanCider]

I'm not crazy. My reality is just different than yours.

[The Dirty Gentleman @KamanCider]

You better not pout.
You better not cry.
You better not shout.
I'm going in dry.

[The Dirty Gentleman @KamanCider]

Eskiho: A girl wearing a short skirt and Ugg boots. A weather confused whore.

[The Dirty Gentleman @KamanCider]

Laziness is exactly like the number 8.

If it lays down it becomes infinite.

[The Dirty Gentleman @KamanCider]

@presscorpse My apologies for the lateness of this, but thank you for the trophy.

[The Dirty Gentleman @KamanCider]

If you're not racist, why do you separate the whites from the colors when doing laundry?

[The Dirty Gentleman @KamanCider]

Fish memory is short so they don't have to think about swimming around in their own pee.

[The Dirty Gentleman @KamanCider]

Dear Santa,

Yes I was naughty this year. It was worth it you fat judgemental bastard.

Sincerely,
Me

[The Dirty Gentleman @KamanCider]

Maybe you should eat makeup so you can be pretty on the inside, bitch.

[The Dirty Gentleman @KamanCider]

I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.

[The Dirty Gentleman @KamanCider]

Did you know bananas turn black and bruised because they practice boxing late at night without your knowledge?

[The Dirty Gentleman @KamanCider]

Write the name of someone you hate on your body every day in permanent marker, so no matter how you die they'll become a suspect.

[The Dirty Gentleman @KamanCider]

@Jazzzzzmina thanks for all the love darlin.

[The Dirty Gentleman @KamanCider]

Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.

[The Dirty Gentleman @KamanCider]

@browneyegirl9 Damn!! Thanks for all the love darlin. I think you set a new record.

[The Dirty Gentleman @KamanCider]

I asked 100 women which shampoo they preferred...

The top answer was: How the fuck did you get in here?