Katie Alender

Writer of books: The Companion (Edgar winner), Bad Girls Don't Die series, Marie Antoinette: Serial Killer & more. Wife of @ChrisAlender. In awe of my children.

[Katie Alender @KatieAlender]

Yesterday I told my 9-y.o. daughter that I dedicated "Marie Antoinette, Serial Killer" to her and she was like, "You dedicated a book about a murderer to me?" and I was like, "Uhhhh what other options do I have?"

[Katie Alender @KatieAlender]

Are you ever in your browser and then you look at the tabs and somehow you've stumbled into a browser window that you had abandoned two weeks ago full of whatever you were doing online way back then and it's like sailing a ghost ship?

[Katie Alender @KatieAlender]

It is a truth universally acknowledged that when you invent an entire Instacart order just to get the one thing you really care about, that one thing will be out of stock, no matter how weird it is that the store is out of, say, ALL 20-oz. diet sodas. 😭

[Katie Alender @KatieAlender]

@98kala Thank you, but please don't. 🤣

[Katie Alender @KatieAlender]

I'm not mad at Past Katie for not buying me candy; I'm just disappointed in her.

[Katie Alender @KatieAlender]

@MardiaMumt63832 I didn't see your email so I sent you one!

[Katie Alender @KatieAlender]

One of the sweetest feelings in the world is when you pick up a random drawing your kids have made and admire the stars, hearts, unicorns, etc., and then you notice that they've written "MOM" on it. 💕 My heart melts every time.

[Katie Alender @KatieAlender]

@MardiaMumt63832 Hi! I'm not usually, but I happened to check in just now! What's up?

[Katie Alender @KatieAlender]

Lately I've reminisced about the day a friend sat with me at the mall for seven hours to buy the first iPhone (and she didn't even want one!). And the joyful memory is waiting at the mall for seven hours, laughing and making friends, and not at all the fact that I got an iPhone.

[Katie Alender @KatieAlender]

@watchdutyapp When the county sends out an alert, I check Watch Duty before reacting. Amazing how seamless and effective your platform has been.

[Katie Alender @KatieAlender]

In a way, it's like the last memory from a bygone era.

[SUE the T. rex @SUEtheTrex]

IS THIS A JOKE TO YOU PEOPLE

[Katie Alender @KatieAlender]

@TiffaniAlia I googled it a couple of months ago and the explanation was like, they both knew they couldn't be happy and meld their lifestyles, and I'm like... that's not a good enough answer!

[Katie Alender @KatieAlender]

This reminds me to once again remark on how weird it was that they can't be together at the end of the movie. At least TRY for heaven's sake.

[pauline kael bot @paulinekaelbot]

THE BODYGUARD had something, but the structure was very stale and it was very ineptly done. (1994)

[Katie Alender @KatieAlender]

@AngeliqueHRH Thank you so much for this kind, encouraging message! ❤️

[Katie Alender @KatieAlender]

@Privatefox1968 Yes!

[Katie Alender @KatieAlender]

@aimeefriedman She's dead, but yes.

[Katie Alender @KatieAlender]

@aimeefriedman Peppa Pig!

[Katie Alender @KatieAlender]

I know two tweets in one night is excessive, but I just discovered Gmail's scheduled send feature, and it has already changed my life.

[Katie Alender @KatieAlender]

Why do all kitchen trash bags smell like Satan's favorite perfume these days? Can't they just smell like plastic? Like someone's going to walk into your house when you have two-day-old fish packaging in your trash and be like, "Ooh, fresh citrus and lavender!"