Kaufman Corporate Tweets

The bleak, melancholic sponsored corporate tweets of Charlie Kaufman

[Kaufman Corporate Tweets @KaufCorpTweets]

The sun goes up and down like a tired whore. Do you have a wife, or a wife-shaped loneliness? The #McRib is back for a limited time.

[Kaufman Corporate Tweets @KaufCorpTweets]

Sign up and dip into the new Hidden Valley Ranch Ranchology® Rewards program. You see me as someone whose #approval of you is validated, because I’m approved of by others. Everything is tinged.

[Kaufman Corporate Tweets @KaufCorpTweets]

#Youth is admirable? I know what this is, and where it’s going. Use Tide's One Wash Miracle with Fresh Coral Blast scent, and let the dual-chamber formula handle the rest.

[Kaufman Corporate Tweets @KaufCorpTweets]

Sometimes it feels like no one sees the good things you do. That you’re just alone. Crabfest at Red Lobster features nine craveable crab creations. Grab your #CrabCrew and hurry in.

[Kaufman Corporate Tweets @KaufCorpTweets]

The Meaty P’ZONE® is pepperoni, ham, beef, pork, Italian sausage and gooey cheese folded in a #PizzaHut crust. Your vision blears; you carry your weather with you; a big blue whale.

[Kaufman Corporate Tweets @KaufCorpTweets]

There seems to be a certain hardness that comes with a certain kind of pretty. Experience a weightless kiss of color with MAC's #PowderKiss Moisture-Matte Finish. Maybe they suffer too, the pretty ones. Maybe the prettiness causes the suffering. I’m not a psychiatrist.

[Kaufman Corporate Tweets @KaufCorpTweets]

You are returned; remaindered. Dragging, your shoelaces loose. A parched well, linked to tomorrow by a frail strand in the onslaught of identical days. The #EpicSummer Sales Event is on now, and there's never been a better time to lease a Hyundai Sonata.

[Kaufman Corporate Tweets @KaufCorpTweets]

Certain ants, certain aphids, blow themselves up for the good of their community. So: not everything wants to live. And, we don’t really know if they “want” anything. You'll love the Pumpkin Pie #Blizzard Treat from Dairy Queen. It's a flavor to Fall for.

[Kaufman Corporate Tweets @KaufCorpTweets]

That’s what one hopes for when writing a corporate tweet; some universality in the specific, I don’t know.

[Kaufman Corporate Tweets @KaufCorpTweets]

Color is only deeds and suffering. Diligence is a consolation prize. With Kraft, you can have your mac and cheese and eat it too. #goethe

[Kaufman Corporate Tweets @KaufCorpTweets]

Other animals live in the present. Humans cannot, so they invented hope. Buy one amazing iPhone 11 from AT&T and get one on us. #5G