Kaylee Riepma

I can’t even shit right.

[Kaylee Riepma @KayWray]

@Jopilina318 @Abbywillia69841 @edna1234 I think you missed the point entirely, and I’m not a mom, or even a step mom.

[Samurai Shiba @SamuraiShibaJP]

My wife has taught high school in Tokyo for twenty years.

Every year, a few of her students spend a year living with a family in America. When they come home, she asks each of them one question.

"What do you miss?"

She expects hamburgers.

She almost never gets hamburgers.

And these aren't old stories. Most of these kids came home in the last two years.

"Every time I left the house, my host mom said, 'Text me when you get there.' In Japan, nobody needs to know where I am. In Ohio, somebody always did." (Mina, 17, Ohio)

"If you walk toward a door, an American will hold it open. Even if you are very far away. So you have to run. I ran to so many doors." (Itsuki, 16, Georgia)

"My host brother screamed on the floor of a grocery store. A stranger walked by and said to my host mom, 'You're doing great, Mama.' She almost cried. I didn't know strangers were allowed to say that." (Aoi, 17, Texas)

"We went away for the weekend and left our trash can at the curb. When we got back, it was by the garage. Nobody said who. My host dad said if it had been there one more day, the neighbor would have knocked." (Haruto, 16, Minnesota)

"A car got stuck in the snow in front of our house. Four men came out of four houses. Nobody called them. They pushed, the car drove away, and they went back inside without saying their names." (Ren, 17, Michigan)

"Every American has jumper cables. Maybe half of them know which clip goes where. The other half help anyway." (Shin, 16, Montana)

"In July, my host family put a cooler on the porch. Cold water, snacks, and a sign: 'For our delivery drivers. Thank you!' I asked if they knew the drivers. They said no." (Nanami, 16, Arizona)

"Downtown, there are banners on the lampposts. Photos of soldiers from the town. Some old, some very young. My host grandpa walked me down the street and told me every name." (Yuna, 16, Iowa)

"I got a C-plus on my first test. My host dad said, 'I'm proud of you,' and put it on the fridge. In Japan, nobody is proud of a C-plus." (Takeru, 17, Pennsylvania)

Then the quietest girl in the class raised her hand.

Sora. Seventeen. Missouri.

"Nobody asks me 'home safe?' anymore," she said.

She was wrong.

In September, there was a typhoon warning for Tokyo. At 2 a.m., Sora's phone lit up.

It was her host mom. In Missouri. Watching the weather in a country she had never been to.

"Saw the storm. You home safe?"

Sora told my wife she cried for a long time. Then she typed the answer she had typed a hundred times, from football games and friends' driveways.

"Home safe."

Her host mom wrote back one line.

"Good. That's all I needed."

My wife has asked that question for twenty years. Not one kid has ever said they missed how big America is.

They miss how America says goodbye. And how it checks that you got home.

So, America. You think you've lost something.

You haven't. It's on a porch in Arizona. It's pushing a car in Michigan. It's awake at 2 a.m. in Missouri, watching our weather.

You don't remember doing any of it.

A kid in Tokyo will never forget.

[The Last Squatch @TheLastSquatch]

Why do we call MAGAs stupid?
Here we go.

-48% of Democrats have college degrees. Only 32% of Republicans do.

-70% of all Americans with master’s or PhDs are registered Democrats.

-Bottom 10 states with the lowest education levels: all Republicans.

-Bottom 10 states with the lowest income levels: all Republicans.

-65% of the federal fucking budget comes from the blue states. We pay for you to live.

So when your stupid ass president gets on TV and says Mexico is gonna pay for the wall, you believe it because you don’t understand how international law works. When he gets on TV and says China is gonna pay for the tariffs, you believe it because you don’t understand how trade works.

Do you understand now why we call you stupid? Because you fucking are.

[Bonnie Boden @designergirla]

This Australian's reply to Trump's rant about “NATO not being there for America” is perfect.

"Mate. You run a country with 600,000 homeless people sleeping on the street tonight. A country where 40% of adults can't cover a $400 emergency without borrowing money. A country where insulin costs more than a car payment and people are rationing it to survive. A country where medical debt is the number 1 cause of bankruptcy. A country where women are dying in hospital car parks because doctors are too scared of abortion laws to treat a miscarriage.

You lock up more of your own citizens than any nation on earth. More than China. More than Russia. More than North Korea. The land of the free has 2 million people in cages, and a quarter of them haven't even been convicted of anything. They're just too poor to make bail.

Your life expectancy is going backwards. You're the only developed nation where that's happening. Your infant mortality rate is worse than Cuba's. Your kids do active shooter drills between maths and English while you sell the gunmaker's stock to your mates.

Your minimum wage hasn't moved in 15 years. You've got teachers working 2 jobs and veterans sleeping under bridges and you just spent a trillion dollars flattening a country that didn't attack you.

And you’ve got a convicted felon, adjudicating raping, paedophile protecting, porn star shagging insurrectionist running the biggest dumpster fire war campaign since the Taliban in Afghanistan thanked you very much for losing again.

And you're calling Greenland poorly run?

Greenland has universal healthcare. Free education. One of the lowest incarceration rates in the world. Nobody goes bankrupt there because they got sick. Nobody dies in a waiting room because their insurance said no.

'NATO wasn't there when we needed them." When exactly was that, champ? September 11? Because NATO invoked Article 5 for the first and only time in history FOR YOU. Soldiers from dozens of countries deployed, fought, bled, and died in Afghanistan FOR YOU. Australia wasn't even in NATO and we still showed up. For 20 years.

And you pulled out at 2am without telling anyone and left them to deal with the mess.

So maybe before you start calling other countries poorly run, have a look at your own backyard, you spray-tanned aluminium siding salesman. The only thing poorly run in this picture is your f----- mouth."

Credit to: Jim Keller

[Kaylee Riepma @KayWray]

Ew. I don’t like the 26 update.

[Kaylee Riepma @KayWray]

@iamAtheistGirl Damn. I don’t think 100mg was shit 😂

[Kaylee Riepma @KayWray]

@ErinWestly Okay wtf are the tips?

[Donald Trump’s Neck Vagina @torontobaddy]

This is how the world views America.

[Kaylee Riepma @KayWray]

I feel like there’s always something about people’s favorite color being red.

[Alex Cole @acnewsitics]

MAGA: Why do we need USAID? We should be helping people here in America.

Democrats: Okay, let's help people here in America.

MAGA: NO, THAT'S SOCIALISM!!!

[Alex Cole @acnewsitics]

Remember when we all thought that Sarah Palin was the peak of human ignorance and stupidity?

Good old days.

[Kaylee Riepma @KayWray]

@jammach As long as they’re competent and polite I do not care.

[Kaylee Riepma @KayWray]

@lxsmariiah Miss you too! And you as well ❤️���️

[Kaylee Riepma @KayWray]

@lxsmariiah You’re fucking hilarious.

[Chris 🏳️‍⚧️ @MrChrishere]

I mean 🤷🏻‍♂️🤣🤣🤣

[𓆩♡𓆪 @luvrgrlxoxo]

God literally sent a plague the last time this man was elected but thank you Jesus is trending ok

[Kaylee Riepma @KayWray]

@MatthieuLopes @LiberalHivemind @enzophoria Did you get hit in the head with a bat? #shidiot.