kelseycrisp

blaming all my bad luck on the voodoo princess that hugged me in new orleans

[kelseycrisp @KCrispyTweets]

my mom asked me to not make her a cake for Mother’s Day

[kelseycrisp @KCrispyTweets]

I am at the zoo.
The first animal I see .. influencer in the wild, getting the perfect shot.

[kelseycrisp @KCrispyTweets]

today my dwarf name would be Sneezy

[kelseycrisp @KCrispyTweets]

https://t.co/AE7Lojmfk1

[kelseycrisp @KCrispyTweets]

garages are so odd .. you park your car inside of your house.

[kelseycrisp @KCrispyTweets]

I’ve got so hungry that I’m eating the pretzels out of my chex mix

[kelseycrisp @KCrispyTweets]

sometimes I wonder what it would be like to pop a whole bag of popcorn and not have any kernels left in the bottom and not have any of it burn.

[kelseycrisp @KCrispyTweets]

Also my dad has just learned how to scramble eggs

[kelseycrisp @KCrispyTweets]

and today grandma had her first Alani

[kelseycrisp @KCrispyTweets]

I enjoy driving in the snow and watching it hit the windshield.

[kelseycrisp @KCrispyTweets]

the amount of popcorn husks I have pulled out of people’s gums these last 2 weeks has been re-donk-u-lus

[kelseycrisp @KCrispyTweets]

me wondering why my grilled cheese ain’t grilling… didn’t turn on the stove.

[kelseycrisp @KCrispyTweets]

days since my last fire alarm incident: 0

[kelseycrisp @KCrispyTweets]

to nap or go to bed early.
that is the question.
both may be the answer.

[kelseycrisp @KCrispyTweets]

things grandma says:
“hm.. well that looks like an orgy. and yes, I know what that means.”

[kelseycrisp @KCrispyTweets]

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve hit a rumble strip today, I’d be having me a pretty merry Christmas

[kelseycrisp @KCrispyTweets]

just bought wine .. as a gift .. and 0/10, that was a terrible experience. I now know why I just drink beer.

[kelseycrisp @KCrispyTweets]

things I don’t like: green bean strings

[kelseycrisp @KCrispyTweets]

peacock curse.

[kelseycrisp @KCrispyTweets]

cooper said this game has gone past his bedtime and has took to his bed.. upstairs, alone.