@UNFUCCKKABLE Thank you for this. If you don't already, see a therapist who can help hold you accountable and join a group that can help support you. Wish we could help more.
@rahsh33m FTR, often times, especially if you have kids and depending on the state you're in, the courts don't give you a choice. They will automatically grant CS and alimony, even if the wife doesn't want it. It's the courts that are railroading you, especially if you don't have a lawyer.